The title tells you how many days have elapsed since my life changed. For better and For worse. I want to cry but I’m at work and I cannot. I cried this time last week for some reason as well, some, same, shame as I would love nothing more than to curl up into a ball and just die. That makes me selfish I know. I miss everything. I miss my friends, I miss everything and it is causing me to choke back tears forever in a day. It is so random on what they are, they seem to be anything and everything from my life. I just can’t handle them. Its not like they are bad memories, its good memories which are just driving me mad. I don’t want them. Adam picked up on an important point, that I don’t want to have any memories. I don’t know why, am guessing but I don’t think he does either.
I find it weird, conf… I don’t know what to think. Maybe I shouldn’t think. I used to have this obsession with wanting to go back in time, to 2011 and fix everything and do things a little differently. I managed to see sense in the end as I found out that someone had some information that they weren’t supposed to and that explained there actions. So. It seems I have no shifted it from 2011 to all areas excluding that year. It is very annoying.
I need someone to talk to. More than just an hour with Adam. The advice will probably be to talk to the crisis team. Which makes sense but its quite annoying as I will have to go over certain parts again which will make me worse. Which is right but then I cannot go to work for a few days and that is something that we cannot afford.
And another thing to worry about. Money. Something that has never been a problem till this new job that I took in September last year. I think I need to actively find a new one.
Blah. I think that sums it up nicely. I honestly can’t express how blah is blah. Lots of blah.