I recently downloaded all the photos that Google had stored under my account. I keep looking through them, they’ve broken them up into years so it’s interesting time traveling. Today I focussed on the memes. I don’t know why but the cat to the left of this always ALWAYS makes me smile. Its a photo that you can hear saying “What?!” in your head. Then again. Maybe that’s just me and my crazyness. Who wants to be normal anyways!
So I’m back on Spotify again. Although keeping it clean as the kids are home and its weekend. Well clean-ish. I dont approve of my kids swearing but when it comes to music I let them have musical expression. So they can listen to songs with explicit lyrics because sometimes you need them to express a feeling or emotion. Not saying I’ll let them listen to “So what” by Metallica but there run of the mill music is fine.
I’m not sure if its part of the mental health problems that amplify my total and utter hatred of people chewing with mouths open. It drives me insane. I will just randomly walk out of the room so I don’t say something I’ll regret. But seriously? is it that hard to close your mouth?! I think its with most things. I always hated people who chewed gum because of the noise. Thats a weird one. Memories of being 14 and explaining to one of my friends that just because you chew gum it doesnt mean you can’t close your mouth whilst doing it. The kid said “But thats how you chew gum”. He became an ex friend at that point. Shallow and an over reaction. I’m well aware of that.
In retrospect, I’ve done many a petty, over reactive reactions towards differing things. Its not a trait I love about myself
This meme always made me chuckle. My wife is roman catholic, as are the kids. I’m still the outsider. I’ll go with them to church for moral support but I don’t do the kneeling and things. Its important to my wife so I’m supportive of it. B has his holy communion coming up. He has always been “into church stuff” which is great, so he takes it seriously. Well. To a degree. I think he like the story but doesn’t quite follow the rules. Anyways, looking forward to that event next month. We are having a big party in the garden with a few friends coming over. I would say family but I’ve ran out of relatives in this country, the rest are in Holland.
Back to the meme. It actually made me think when did I first figure out where and how babies came from. I honestly for the life of me don’t remember. I have a few gaps in my memory, for example my earliest memories don’t start till I’m like 8 years old and even then they are really vague. One of my first memories being my brother putting heat cream (the cream you put on a muscle and it warms it up) on the toilet seat followed by my screaming after visiting said toilet. Or the time he decided to pee in my glass which had apple juice in and I took a huge gulp. He was lovely.
I had to cancel my therapy this week. I feel bad for that because I’m supposed to stick to it but I’ve been avoiding talking again which I really need to learn not to do. I’ve had a bit of a hard week mentally. I had some really bad ptsd dreams the other night and thats triggered me a bit. Nothing exciting. Just the abuse back from when I was 13. I hate having the dreams. Reliving the same shit over and over again. Part of me thinks I should report them to the police and maybe that’ll give me closure. The other side of me doesn’t want the stress and let it be. Its been along time. Its still something I haven’t fully confronted. I have a had therapy centred around it but it go too intense so I had to back off a bit from it.
Didn’t mean to bum anyone out with that last paragraph. Have an awesome weekend x