5. A day in your life…

This should be good.

Wake up, coffee. Where is the coffee? Aha, coffee. Make coffee. Shit no water in the kettle. Go to the bathroom and fill up the kettle awkwardly as the tap is bent. Manage to get it half full. I’m still in the motel if you haven’t guessed. The kettle is on! Right find pills for the day, and take the morning ones. Now something to eat for breakfast, aha nutrition bars, they will do. Have one or two of them so the pills can get into action. Kettles boiled. Hurrah now we are in business. Oh am stoned, pills must be working. Sit down and scroll through news and things for an hour.

Right over to the house to see the kids. Right gets ignored by teenage S, and B comes down and gives the best hugs ever. He’s 11. I need him to stay that age. He goes to high school next month and I’m fucking terrified for him. Watch Ben play on one of his many racing games. Suzi comes down for food now and again saying hello and state-ordered hugs. Play with the dogs, take them to the park and back.

Doti has come back from work and I can go to the motel. I go on my laptop and find a pot of something to put hot water into. I wait for that to make a coffee. Dinner time scrolling through the news of the day and eating like a king.

That’s about it. Throw in pill-taking time.

groundhog in cemetery by Michelle Frechette is licensed under CC-CC0 1.0

Random QOTD

What’s something you wish you’d figured out sooner?

That there is much more to life than just doing what is expected of you by society. For example, you go to school, high school, college and then university. Now I wouldn’t change going to university as I made life long friends there and had certain experiences which you get by going to uni. My point is I should have focussed more on the fun side than the studying side. The fun side being more experiences. In otherwords I wish I figured out that life moments are more important than an outcome that is expected.

Granted there must be a equilibrium where one doesnt tip the balance. But yeah. Go out, meet friends, drink and be merry while you can. Before you know it your in your mid-30s wishing you had done more with the opportunites you were given.

I also wish I figured out social skills. I never really had them. I had them in primary school, leader of the class, but then the moment I hit high school they just packed up there bags and f*cked off. I was more a loner than anything but I would drift from group to group if I needed to be social. The abuse didn’t really start till I was 14 so I was already socially awkward before that. If anything the sexual abuse forced me to be more social as I was plyed with so much drink it would make an irish man pass out. So that naturally made me more vocal and reckless. I used to steal as well. At the weekends I would go to comic shops in the neighbouring town and whilst buying comics, I would steal them. I have yet to figure out why I have that behaviour. I was working ergo I had money so I could of just paid for them. I would say it was the thrill but I didn’t get one, it was a case of …. attention seeking. Maybe that was it. Wanting to get caught for the attention from someone other than a group of child molesting burn in hell pedos.

So I think I wish I figured out social situations. What is normal, what is weird and what is abuse. If I also learned that having drunken people rape me and that it wasn’t what “normal friends” do then things in life might of been different. I just thought it was what you did. Hang out, drink, watch movies, go to clubs. It seems so ludicrus that I was doing all this at 14+ and thinking it was normal.

That got dark really fast.

Women. I wish I figured these mystical beautiful creatures out a lot sooner than I did. I could never get the social queues when they were being done. I wasn’t scared I just didn’t see them and assumed they just didn’t like me. Finding out later in life that you were not that depressed, drunk loner loser was a wake up call. I immediately started fixating on the whats ifs. What if I could do it all over again knowing what I know now. We all know where that leads. But yes. Social skills, Women and that you can’t trust everyone. That would be my answer.