Tag: motel

Random Musings

Andy Young1 Comment

So random thoughts and musings going on in my mind today. I saw R today; her mum dropped her off at D’s house. We walked down to a local cafe and had lunch, cake, and tea. Well, she had a smoothie.

Shit. Seizuring. Not long, 1 minute. Listening to music, and when that happens, it’s a weird one. There I am, listening to a song, and then poof minute gone. I’m not surprised that it’s happening; it’s late, and I had a busy day. But yes, a nice little reminder “hi fnd is stiill here have a zap”. My hands are still numb, but it’s spread to my palm on my left hand; the right hand isn’t as bad now, but oddly my little toe is numb as well, which is completely random. I’ll make an appointment with the GP tomorrow.

The motel

~~Exciting development in the motel. I heard rats outside my window. Squeaking away as they scuttled around. I know they have rat traps, but yeah. Fun. So I’m keeping the window closed and guarding my stash of noodles, tuna, and salmon.

One night when I came back late, this must have been a week ago now, I walked into the motel and this guy was standing close behind me. As it was after curfew, I had to type the code on the keypad. So I started to worry as the guy was standing quite close, like he was going to run in after me. So I stared at him, he showed me his key. He doesn’t speak a word of English, is black, and looks like he’s from Africa as he has a twinge of a French accent. So that’s just by the way. I showed him the code and showed him how to get in. Turns out he’s my next-door neighbor with bad habits. I can hear him constantly making weird, random noises. Wailing, giggling, sighing really loudly. Now I have to shake my legs constantly, so tapping. The problem is my desk is against his wall, so I know that when I shake, I’m then shaking something in his room. I started doing it more and more while he still makes odd noises. Then I can hear him moving things, looking for the source. It amuses me. Simple things.~~

In closing…

struggling to type at the moment. They keep happening. I’ll go lay in bed and stare at the ceiling for a bit. Oh, and still no heating. My caseworker has been in touch with the housing team to get them to ask why it isn’t on. Most hotels I have been in always have the heating on, and you just set the thermostat to what you need. Anyways, random. Sums up this place. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy here, I have a bed instead of a sofa, and now with an electric blanket, it keeps me warm.

random white pills spilled on table
Photo by Alex Green on Pexels.com

Crisis.

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crisis white paper on a vintage typewriter
Photo by Markus Winkler on Pexels.com

So I’ve been keeping myself busy the past couple of days with the charity work which seems to be undergoing some crisis at the moment. Something to do with funding and them scrambling to sort out bids. Fortunately, I’m not involved in that side of it, but just the tech side of stuff. So day to day refurbishing, issuing plans, and arranging drop-offs and collections. It helps them. It helps me by keeping me grounded and busy.

The Hunt

I’ve been looking at different jobs on LinkedIn and found a few I would like to try; they are remote roles which is perfect for me and the mental health stuff. Just trying to find a part-time one so I can keep up the other stuff. Sometimes, the search for work is its own crisis, forcing me to reconsider my priorities.

I think answering the job QOTD led me down this path and started to make me think that paid employment should be tried again. I keep going through loops of working and not working depending on how bad things are. They aren’t stable at the moment, but that doesn’t mean I should stop helping people. The job side, I’m just looking at for the moment so maybe I have something in place when I eventually move out of this godforsaken hotel/motel. They still aren’t putting the heating on, but my secret weapon came yesterday: a heated blanket. So I’ve put it under the sheets to lay on and then duvet and another fleece on top of that. Shall be giving it a test run once I’ve finished the blog.

Family

So my brother just called after ripping his sore tooth out. He got drunk first and then started pulling. It saves what would be £200 for an extraction by a dentist, which he just didn’t have spare the past few months. Quite a sad state of affairs in this country when people have a DIY extraction as a solution rather than getting it done professionally. I said I’d have a look around for any antibiotics I can send him just in case it gets infected. Told him to stick a wedge/roll of tissue in the gap and hold it there until it stops bleeding. Hopefully, he won’t pass out and choke on his own blood. Crisis. Crisis indeed.

I was up at four am this morning with mind-numbing earache on my left hand side. It came out of nowhere. Fortunately, I have medication I can take, codeine, and that killed it after about an hour. I managed to get back to sleep at 8 am and was up for 11 am to get the day started. In moments like these, minor health scares feel like a type of personal crisis too.

Future crisis

Tomorrow I’m back on emails and meetings to keep me busy. It’s Suzi’s birthday on Friday, so looking forward to that. We’ve managed to get an iPad sorted for her birthday with all the frills (case, protector, and drawing pen). Throw in a takeaway, and it’s a party. It’ll be nice getting it all set up for her, but she’s old enough to do all that herself now. 14. That’s just crazy. Rebecca will be coming over on Sunday as well; she’s asked to go to a cafe for quality time. I found a place not too far from D’s house, so we will hobble over to it Sunday morning. Hopefully, it’s open. As I can’t drive if it isn’t, so the backup plan is cake and tea at D’s house. Thankfully, family keeps things positive no matter the crisis in the background.

Looking forward to going to a warm bed. 6°C outside, means the room is pretty cold. The heating is still only an hour in the morning and an hour at night. Jumpers are fine during the day, but heated blanket, I love you.

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5. A day in your life…

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This should be good.

Wake up, coffee. Where is the coffee? Aha, coffee. Make coffee. Shit no water in the kettle. Go to the bathroom and fill up the kettle awkwardly as the tap is bent. Manage to get it half full. I’m still in the motel if you haven’t guessed. The kettle is on! Right find pills for the day, and take the morning ones. Now something to eat for breakfast, aha nutrition bars, they will do. Have one or two of them so the pills can get into action. Kettles boiled. Hurrah now we are in business. Oh am stoned, pills must be working. Sit down and scroll through news and things for an hour.

Right over to the house to see the kids. Right gets ignored by teenage S, and B comes down and gives the best hugs ever. He’s 11. I need him to stay that age. He goes to high school next month and I’m fucking terrified for him. Watch Ben play on one of his many racing games. Suzi comes down for food now and again saying hello and state-ordered hugs. Play with the dogs, take them to the park and back.

Doti has come back from work and I can go to the motel. I go on my laptop and find a pot of something to put hot water into. I wait for that to make a coffee. Dinner time scrolling through the news of the day and eating like a king.

That’s about it. Throw in pill-taking time.

groundhog in cemetery by Michelle Frechette is licensed under CC-CC0 1.0

2. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Andy Young2 Comments

Good question.

Part of me sees me building up the various websites and assets I own into a full-scale proper business. Along the lines of digital device procurement, refurbishment and release into the community. The only problem with the whole model is that it’s a free service supported by government grants and social funds. I have started to make way with Busy Bee Tech, which needs a new name, in creating content for the digital poverty the country is facing and the solutions we have to counteract it. So that’s slowly starting to generate traffic through keywords. I’ve also been sharing the articles from the Busy Bee Tech site on LinkedIn.

I would love to own property, ideally, a flat that I can rent out. Or a static home near Whitby that I can run away to whenever I want and have the kids come with me.

I would like to think I’m fitter, less fat and more agile than I am now.

Not having killed someone, would be good and is a constant worry.

Having my own house/flat, where the kids can come over whenever they like and stay for as long as they want and do what they want.

Alive. With no more surprise health conditions would be nice.


Not in a motel that’s for damn sure!

Onwards and upwards

Sleep demons part two

Andy Young1 Comment

I’m getting bored of this now.

It wasn’t even late when it happened. I was talking to R who shouldn’t have been up late and then all of a sudden it was 3 a.m. I’ve checked the history again; nothing. I then checked the logs on the machine, it showed nothing. My glasses were on the floor under the desk, so they somehow fell off. I didn’t get any more cuts on my forehead. It was as if I turned off, my head went down, my glasses came off, and then magically it was 3 a.m. I’m not exhausted, hell I wasn’t even tired. It just happened.

I know I need to see the doctor which I will but it’s a bank holiday here today so everything is shut. So I’ll have to wait till 7:30 a.m. tomorrow to fill in a form and see if I’m lucky enough for a callback. It’s going to just be the same thing, learn to live with it but I don’t. Like a petulant child throwing his toy across the room. I don’t want to live like this. Am I just supposed to accept that I am missing time?
I did feel a bit weird before it happened. I think I’m starting to pick up when it’ll happen. If I can do that then maybe I can distract myself from it happening.

I know it’s hard to believe. Seizures come in all shapes and sizes. It could be a lot worse,e I could be conscious when I can’t move or do anything. I think if it ever progressed to that a ligature of rope and sturdy light fitting it would be. I wouldn’t even need the light fitting. I’ve just used the rope. Or tie wraps. That way I couldn’t back out.

That got morbid fast.

I got a text that I’ve had my stay at the motel extended to the 6th of September which is a relief. I was really worried they would kick me out and I’d have to move back. I wouldn’t have a problem with that but D most likely would. I think she just wants to move on but can’t because all my crap is there. Although she could box it all up and move it to her storage unit and bill me for it.

My muscles are so rigid. Like they’ve been tensed for hours and they just fucking ache like hell. I keep strutting around the room to try and ease them off but feels like I have swollen feet.
My god I moan. If a dog moaned this much you’d put the bastard down lol.

Happier things.

The girl’s weekend down to Brighton went okay. D took S to see her over the phone friend and it was a big success. They had a sleep and S was very excited the next day. Hopefully, they’ll keep in touch and maybe her friend can come up here. I think S would love that. It’s great when she’s happy. Being a teenager can’t be much fun but when they are happy I think it’s amazing. I think D secretly had a good time staying in an Airbnb and walking along the seafront. Shame about the 6 hour drive they had to do but far better than getting the train while everyone is on strike.

Almost forgot, I had breakfast with an old friend yesterday which was nice. We went to a not-so-sticky floor restaurant/bar and had a full English breakfast with extra back pudding for me. It was amazing. Great company and great food. After dropping them off along the way I started to feel funny so was in a mad rush to get back to the safety of the motel. But that aside it was great to get out and talk to people again.

I’m thinking of taking R to the Trafford Centre to play mini golf or bowling this week. Will need to ask her mum and see what she says. It makes sense to me as lot of shops to go in and lots of benches if I need a break to sit down. Gtot a little bit of money stashed away so can use that for lunch. Then her mum can hopefully collect her.

I’ve rambled enough. Another cup of tea and I’ll lay down in bed and see what happens.

Oh a random photo. Almost forgot.

QOTD

Andy Young1 Comment
Daily writing prompt
Tell us about the last thing you got excited about.
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My bestie coming over from Sheffield to meet me in Machester city centre.


I booked a hotel for us. Reasonably priced at £100 a night but you have a checkout time of 12 the next day. Planning to get hammered with him and have a night of talking, catching up, some good food and a wander around town to see the old places we used to go. I wanted to stop at a sushi restaurant but wasn’t sure if he would like it. We went to one for his birthday a long time ago. 2012? See that number in my head means nothing, it was like it was yesterday not a decade ago. then go to ye old pub and sit and talk to the small hours, climb into bed and have a lay in till 11 am. Then get some brunch from Wetherspoons before walking him back to the train station and hugging him goodbye.


He messaged that he was ill and couldn’t make it.

I’m trying to silence my mind on this.

Half of me is screaming “Ha this is what you deserve, you can’t have friends” Then the other half is “OMG is he okay? He has a gut problem”. So depends on which way I look at it. Friends running away from me because I’m a dickhead and a loser. Living in a fucking motel not knowing what’s going to happen next, two frikkin seizures I’ve not told anyone about. Pathetic. A pathetic piece of shit who does nothing but burden people and make it about you. You fucking loser. Do it. You’ve got the pills.


Then of course the logical side says thank god he’s okay and it’s nothing serious. We can meet up again another time, it isn’t a problem. I got the money back from the hotel so no loss. Hopefully, he hasn’t bought his train tickets yet. But you can get a refund on those too. If he’s not up to it, it’s not his fault that his body is being lame.


Oh, mental health. Starting to love you as much as physical help.


Two seizures. Two sets of bumps on my forehead, One biten tongue.


Piss take.

Wow this QOTD went dark fast. I’m not going to kill myself I’m capable of telling my brain to stop and have coping mechanisms in place for when this kind of thing happens.

Blue Bear

Andy Young1 Comment

The cooling stand that I bought for the beast of a laptop came today. At
least I think it was today, yes, definitely today. I ordered a mouse to go with
it as well which makes a big difference. So it’s all good now, I can play my
games, have more than one tab open and generally not start a fire in the motel
room. That would be bad. The smoke detector has already been taped so I can
vape at ease in here otherwise I would go mad. The cooling stand is pretty cool
(get the JK there) as it has six fans and LEDs in them. So it looks like something
from a hacker movie in the 90s. All about the stereotypes. I’m having fun with
the fan controls. Make it sound like a plane engine or quiet as a whisper.
Since I listen to music all the time here, the plane engine is. Things here at
the motel are still a bit rough and scary at times. Lots of screaming and
shouting from the room to my left; a young girl and her mum don’t seem to get
along very well although that’s just based on the shouting and crying. To my
right I have the drunk who snores, coughs up flem constantly and can hear
stumbling about. Today they (other people) were trying to get into people’s rooms,
obviously drunk, as they used their keys thinking they had this magical power
to open any door- a skeleton key. Then they would bang on the door in
frustration. They did it to mine. I have this secure lock from Amazon which
when combined with the lock makes it impossible to unlock from the outside.
Well. Unless they kick the door down or do a ‘Heres Johnny’ skit. I sleep
better with it on and having music on helps. Although now the fans are on it
drowns them out as well.

Proud of myself today. After a wobble this morning from Ben. He started
having the misophonia thing again, where he’s super alert to any noises, which
invoke his fight or flight response and goes ape. He starts kicking his door
really hard and screaming out the window. I was with the dogs downstairs and
they went batshit crazy. I shouted up at Ben, then had to text D to calm him
down as he triggered my FND and I started drooling like an idiot and not being
able to type on my phone. He left the house for fresh air, and he came back an
hour later (he did check in on WhatsApp that he went to the shop with some
money he ‘found’) all calm and his usual self. I was still a bit of a mess.
Then D’s mum and boyfriend came in without D and they don’t speak English. Got
a hug from them both. Ben came down and had hugs too. Then they sprang into
action, picking up dog poo, tidying and started mowing the back. All in like 5
minutes of arriving. I in my lovely lameness just sat down awkwardly as they were
doing jobs I should be doing but I can’t do any more. D came back and I left. I
resisted the urge to go to Asda and pick up alcohol. It was tempting but I
resisted. Not going to be that guy. So that’s why I’m proud of myself today.

This is a good one. My brother, the slag, phoned me and we spoke for 45
minutes about lots of different things that for reasons of privacy I won’t go
into. It was nice talking to him though. Not a lot of people I can talk to on
the phone. Owen has phone issues, D isn’t going to like to talk and yeah that’s
it. The stuff I can say like talking about the past and moving on, how he’s
doing well in his job and his drinking is more under control. It was nice to
hear that he has a positive outlook on things.

Right. Meetings tomorrow about training. Bed.

 

It has a back light

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So the laptop that I’m borrowing has a proper full size keyboard on it which makes typing so much easier. The keyboard is backlit which is beyond awesome (still working on using that word less) for me as I can sit in the dark and type a blog post. Because sitting in the dark with the curtains closed is normal at 5pm in the summer 0.o

I went to the office today in the end. I was stood in the room, all my stuff ready. Car keys, room keys, phone and pipe. Then after 5 minutes of shoes on shoes off I managed to make it to the car. There I sat thinking. The apprentice wont be in so any point of me going in? will they want to see me? do they even know me? lots of illogical random questions. Then I thought. “Fuck it”, slammed the car into gear and off I fled. I survived 4 hours which is a personal best for being in one place that isnt where I sleep. It was nice to talk to everyone at the charity as always. Plus one of them has a dog and omg hes awesome. Hes a bull mastif I think. Head twice the size of the body and wiggling pile of muscle. Who kept jumping on Judy which was sweet. Sorted out a few more laptops, tablets and phones ready for going out into the world.

I was going to walk around town but my back is really sore, I’ve avoided pain killers because we all know what Andy does when he’s around drugs. He eats them all. Managed to get back to the motel in one piece and nipped to the garage next door and grabbed some bits for dinner & breakfast. Then proceeded to sort out my meds from paper bags to the storage bag so its neat and tidy.

Christ almighty its karaoke night. Headphones on. If its not drunken bumwars in the corridor and car park its singing. I wouldn’t mind if they had talent but are they deaf?! leave it to the pros.

I’m with the kids tomorrow 9-4 which I’m looking forward to. I saw them yesterday as Ben was ill so I popped over. I say popped over but this place is on the outskirts on Bolton. Egh. Its worth it. He got the new Forza yesterday and hooked his steering wheel to my computer and sent me a few video clips. I’ll try and upload them after this.

I need the hotel door wedge lock thing. Hopefully they’ll find a place for me somewhere. I keep bidding on properties but never get close to anything. I know they’ve formally declared me homeless so they have a duty to find a place or keep me here till they do. Which is great, its made a massive difference to my mental health. Had a wobble to begin with but I handled it. They extended it till Tuesday next week but the Monday is a bank holiday so not sure if they are extending it again before Monday. Hopefully they will.

I’m using Microsoft Edge. Trialling it, see if it competes with Firefox which I’ve used since they were around. Netscape. Anyone remember that one?