Tag: Self-care

Blue Bear

Andy Young1 Comment

The cooling stand that I bought for the beast of a laptop came today. At
least I think it was today, yes, definitely today. I ordered a mouse to go with
it as well which makes a big difference. So it’s all good now, I can play my
games, have more than one tab open and generally not start a fire in the motel
room. That would be bad. The smoke detector has already been taped so I can
vape at ease in here otherwise I would go mad. The cooling stand is pretty cool
(get the JK there) as it has six fans and LEDs in them. So it looks like something
from a hacker movie in the 90s. All about the stereotypes. I’m having fun with
the fan controls. Make it sound like a plane engine or quiet as a whisper.
Since I listen to music all the time here, the plane engine is. Things here at
the motel are still a bit rough and scary at times. Lots of screaming and
shouting from the room to my left; a young girl and her mum don’t seem to get
along very well although that’s just based on the shouting and crying. To my
right I have the drunk who snores, coughs up flem constantly and can hear
stumbling about. Today they (other people) were trying to get into people’s rooms,
obviously drunk, as they used their keys thinking they had this magical power
to open any door- a skeleton key. Then they would bang on the door in
frustration. They did it to mine. I have this secure lock from Amazon which
when combined with the lock makes it impossible to unlock from the outside.
Well. Unless they kick the door down or do a ‘Heres Johnny’ skit. I sleep
better with it on and having music on helps. Although now the fans are on it
drowns them out as well.

Proud of myself today. After a wobble this morning from Ben. He started
having the misophonia thing again, where he’s super alert to any noises, which
invoke his fight or flight response and goes ape. He starts kicking his door
really hard and screaming out the window. I was with the dogs downstairs and
they went batshit crazy. I shouted up at Ben, then had to text D to calm him
down as he triggered my FND and I started drooling like an idiot and not being
able to type on my phone. He left the house for fresh air, and he came back an
hour later (he did check in on WhatsApp that he went to the shop with some
money he ‘found’) all calm and his usual self. I was still a bit of a mess.
Then D’s mum and boyfriend came in without D and they don’t speak English. Got
a hug from them both. Ben came down and had hugs too. Then they sprang into
action, picking up dog poo, tidying and started mowing the back. All in like 5
minutes of arriving. I in my lovely lameness just sat down awkwardly as they were
doing jobs I should be doing but I can’t do any more. D came back and I left. I
resisted the urge to go to Asda and pick up alcohol. It was tempting but I
resisted. Not going to be that guy. So that’s why I’m proud of myself today.

This is a good one. My brother, the slag, phoned me and we spoke for 45
minutes about lots of different things that for reasons of privacy I won’t go
into. It was nice talking to him though. Not a lot of people I can talk to on
the phone. Owen has phone issues, D isn’t going to like to talk and yeah that’s
it. The stuff I can say like talking about the past and moving on, how he’s
doing well in his job and his drinking is more under control. It was nice to
hear that he has a positive outlook on things.

Right. Meetings tomorrow about training. Bed.

 

Apparently Self Esteem Prompts

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So I’ve looked at Pinterest for the first time and found a few really good tips in there to do with blogging. so figured I’d find one, and give it a go. Ten random questions:

  1. When do you feel good about yourself
    • I don’t really have any, Well not in the way the question asks. If the question means happiest time then I can safely say this: Sat on the sofa, legs flipped over the right-hand side, Curtains close, my D laying next to me and Dobby sat between us. We are watching Polish tv, nas nowy dom, and I have my coffee and vape pipe. I get this warm fuzzy feeling when I get the sporadic love yous and pats on the head. Simple things.

      I feel good that we have food in the fridge, a roof over our heads and we have each other. I don’t think I can answer this question very well. Let’s skip it for now.
  2. How would your close friends describe you?
    • Quiet, keeps himself to himself, confident, and prepared to do what is needed to be done. At least what I think. Oh likes comics, books, illicit drugs, and booze. The last two I don’t do anymore but not sure if people would know that. Respectful, trustworthy.
  3. What went well today?
    • No a lot really, it’s been sort of a disastrous day. I fell head-first into a cupboard this morning at 2am so ended up sleeping on the sofa with two dogs. S is at home from high school with a virus. So feeding her crackers and sweet tea. She has a nap and seems a bit better which is good. Just donated 1 laptop, 3 phones, and 3 sim cards to some people who it will massively help.
  4. What was challenging for you today?
    • The fall this morning took a lot out of me. All I remember is falling and cracking my head off the cupboard. It hurt a lot more than I let on. Been unstable all day so I’ve just been sitting down. Double vision is back #fml
  5. What are the most positive aspects of your life?
    • My kids mostly, D too. She’s like a super aspect who is there when I need her and also when I don’t think I need her and she just knows. I love that I can say no to drinking and drugs. That’s a big one for me as it’s on my mind ALL the time. Volunteer work that I do only daily/weekly.
  6. What do you really love about yourself?
    • I love my amazing talent and skill for fucking up a fucked up situation and making it worse. It’s an outstanding skill that really makes me like you and makes friends pfft millions.
  7. What do you want to feel tomorrow?
    • To wake up, not tired, with no pain, and no dogs whining and jumping on me. Just happiness would do. Not to do with other people or objects but if it was just my own selfish reason, happiness.
  8. What do you do well?.
    • Computers and coding. In my element and the endless nights of firing off some random stuff that people need on the forums. I just enjoy it, the challenge, the breakthroughs when you can throw it at a graphic designer to make it pretty.
  9. What’s holding you back from pursuing your dreams?
    • My mental and physical health at the moment. I can do online bits, video calls, and manage my apprentice pretty well but it does hold me back. It takes me ages to be comfortable with going places 1and I’ve not been to the office in a while, then the social side comes in and decided to ruin it all and not let me out of the house. The other thing is I’m not supposed to drive at the moment when they are doing all this training
  10. What is the one thing you would do if you couldn’t fail?
    • I have no idea. Worldwide? this would take a while. In my own life hmm probably requiring my brain to work again. Give D some new feet as hers are always hurting and this would free up the almost daily massages I give her.

And so if you made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read, I’ll try and do these once in a while.

A tips & tricks post of randomness

Andy Young1 Comment

I thought it would be nice to create a post with some tips and tricks that I have learned during my time on this rotating rock we can home. You’ll probably know a few of them already but brushing up on your knowledge never hurts.

Self-harm wounds
If you have self-harmed, it’s important to take care of your wounds properly to prevent infection. Here are some tips:

  • Wash your hands thoroughly with soap and water before and after treating your wound.
  • Clean the wound with soap and water or an antiseptic wipe.
  • Apply a sterile dressing to the wound and change it daily.
  • Keep the wound covered and dry.
  • Avoid scratching or picking at the wound.
  • When in doubt, please see a doctor.

Self-harming sucks. Except when you are doing it. You know it’s not right but the urge sometimes is too much and you just do it. Remember, you are not alone. There is help available, and you don’t have to go through this alone.

Hallucination distractions
Hallucinations can be very distressing and can make it difficult to do everyday things. However, there are some things you can do to distract yourself from them and make them less disruptive and annoying.

One way to distract yourself is to focus on your senses. Pay attention to what you can see, hear, smell, taste, and touch. This can help bring you back to the present moment and make it harder for the hallucinations to take over.

You can also try to distract yourself by doing things that you enjoy. This could include listening to music, reading, watching TV, or spending time with other people. It really can take your mind off things.

Crisis
Being caught in a crisis can be a seriously overwhelming and scary experience. It can be difficult to know what to do or who to ask for help. However, there are some things that you can do to cope with a crisis and get through it.

First, it is important to stay calm. It is easy to panic when you are in a crisis, but panicking will only make things worse. Try to take deep breaths and focus on the present moment.

Second, it is important to reach out for help. If you are feeling overwhelmed, talk to friends and family. There are also many hotlines available that you can call for support. Like the Samaritans, they will speak to you for ages till you relax a bit or until help arrives.

Third, it is important to give yourself time to heal. It takes time to recover from a crisis. Don’t expect to feel better overnight. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself time to deal in your head with what caused the crisis.

Finally, it is important to remember that you are not alone. There are many people who have been through crises and come out on the other side. You are not weak for needing help. It is okay to ask for help and to take time to get better.

What’s in my bag?

Andy Young1 Comment

I found a list of different interesting things to fill in here when I’m struggling with thoughts. Cheating but more help than cheat.

I’m still tired. I managed to drop off around 5am on the sofa surrounded by dogs. I’m shattered but it did the trick, I didn’t toss and turn thinking of things, I just passed out and had normal dreams. I’m regretting it now because I’m so tired. It’s hard to explain the level at which I cannot be bothered with thoughts while I try and sleep. I can lay there for hours just having someone run a commentary on my whole life and how much it sucks right now with the chronic pain stuff mixed with some mental health issues.

So back to the title of the post.

I have a bag. It’s blue. It contains EVERYTHING.

It’s my grab bag for when I leave the house. It has everything I need for emergencies that might crop up while I’m out. It’s a security blanket and makes me feel better having it near. So what’s in it?

Flashlight
Tile Tracker (hooked up to the house Alexa so D can find me)I
Pens & Notebook
Medication to last a week (in a pin code bag for safety)
Story Cubes in a handmade pouch (these have saved my brain so many times)
Surface Pad with charger
Multi-Purpose Tool
Crystals the kids bought me from a cave
Wipes, face mask, and alcohol gel
Unopened vape pen
Plasters
Blue inhaler
Powerbank and cables
Pen drive

That’s about it. Some personal stuff in there as well for good measure. But it’s enough bits to get me through any problems I might have when I’m out of the house. When being an operative word here.