Wake up, coffee. Where is the coffee? Aha, coffee. Make coffee. Shit no water in the kettle. Go to the bathroom and fill up the kettle awkwardly as the tap is bent. Manage to get it half full. I’m still in the motel if you haven’t guessed. The kettle is on! Right find pills for the day, and take the morning ones. Now something to eat for breakfast, aha nutrition bars, they will do. Have one or two of them so the pills can get into action. Kettles boiled. Hurrah now we are in business. Oh am stoned, pills must be working. Sit down and scroll through news and things for an hour.
Right over to the house to see the kids. Right gets ignored by teenage S, and B comes down and gives the best hugs ever. He’s 11. I need him to stay that age. He goes to high school next month and I’m fucking terrified for him. Watch Ben play on one of his many racing games. Suzi comes down for food now and again saying hello and state-ordered hugs. Play with the dogs, take them to the park and back.
Doti has come back from work and I can go to the motel. I go on my laptop and find a pot of something to put hot water into. I wait for that to make a coffee. Dinner time scrolling through the news of the day and eating like a king.
Hi guys, If you cast your mind back a couple of months, I did a poem-a-day challenge. This time I want to do questions based on only ten days’ worth. I’ll be starting them tomorrow. Some of them are annoying, some funny and some even scandalous.
Hopefully, you guys have had a good day today. My back is killing but finally found a position in the chair that’s not causing spasms. Spasms are awesome when you are typing. Hey here is a free advert for you, Grammerly you are awesome, and I use you heavily. It’s a match made in heaven, you fix mistakes and I’m the world’s biggest mistake. Enough of that.
The past two days have been messed up. My brain, walking and sleeping. I’ve not banged my head since two days ago but had my finger almost break when my head fell on it. Whether these fun little seizures stop is anyone’s guess.
Shit. That was the under-the-rug stuff. Oh well. When I was in hospital the doctor warned me this might happen. So far it’s only happened at night and in front of a laptop. The first time I was flat out for 7 hours but was still upright so it was like. I was looking at the time, I blinked and then it was 6.59 in the morning. The next day I was in the middle of a post then woke up three hours later, my face planted on the laptop and desk and a HUGE lump on my forehead from the edge of the laptop. The next day, the same thing but hit further up on the forehead. And lastly, one where I bent my finger. As you can imagine because of that my sleep patterns are out the window. Went to bed a 5 a.m. as was scared I’d have another one. Slept. Woke up at 3 pm and started the day, Nothing yet. Just a very sore head inside and out. Maybe when D used to say I’d fall asleep and stay in one position all night and I ached from it the next day, they were seizures too.
I’ll see a doctor if it happens again, thankfully it’s only nighttime and not when I’m driving or walking about.
I had a good day. I also had a confusing day but we will sweep that one under the rug for now. Has anyone ever used BueStacks before? amazing bit of software that lets you create your own ‘Android tablet’ and you can put your Google account on then most importantly, play games you play on your phone but instead on your own laptop/desktop which I find amazing.
I can be typing this out and stop to check out something on the app I have running in the background. You can zoom in, set different resource usage and also have macros. Ahh macros. I can record a sequence of clicks when grinding in a game and leave it to it in the background while I get on with something else. Always loved macros. The permanent pursuit of ever-changing macro detection tools. My good day. I had a productive meeting with some clients who need some IT training for a mental health ward. For free obviously, so I’m taking on the project and turning it into an all-in-one service. So a patient comes in, I’ll help them set up email accounts or how to get on government sites, you know all the basics. Then when it’s time for them to leave the hospital I can give them a free laptop or tablet with some data sims to then go off into the world, digitally equipped and not excluded anymore. Huzzah. So I’ll do the training on Fridays from 10 am to 2 pm and adjust it depending on attendance. A member of staff will be there in case they throw things at me. Should I tell them I’m crazy too? probably not. That might help them. Seeing me functioning so all is not lost. Big-headed much.
Then the weird thing happened between 12 pm and 2.30 pm. But, yes, I know under the rug. I went to see my social worker, Julie or Judy. That’s so bad I don’t remember her name. She bought me a coffee at the canteen and we sat there talking about stuff for a good 1.5 hours. Not going over my life story but just chatting about different things, mental health and physical health, but it was so nice. I haven’t spoken to a proper person in a while. Especially one who is knowledgeable in health care. We came up with a three-step plan that she’s going to do tomorrow. I’m worried that the hotel won’t be renewed for another week since Monday is a bank holiday. She said in no circumstances would they stop funding the hotel until I am in a flat/house or whatever. But she will call them to get double confirmation and text me about it. Then the other one was to sort my benefits as they are missing money off it, so she has access to an adviser who can help so that’ll be a three-way call next week. And the final thing is she wants to hunt down my other social worker who is supposed to be finding me a place to leave, corner him and then throttle him. Extreme
Those weren’t the best bits. The best bit was when she gave me a £20 voucher for the supermarket from her department. They also gave me a bag full of things, toothpaste & and toothbrush, shower gels, 6 pairs of socks, shorts, few tops- all brand new and untouched. Oh, and a mug, deodorant, pens and a notebook and yeah it was thoughtful of them. I spent the voucher already on my way back. I discovered that if I use a small trolley don’t have to struggle with stick. New skill unlocked! Bought a lot of nice things that can made with hot water, cordial/squash, porridge tubs and just all the things I needed.
And now I sit, off to bed. Possibly. Possibly another terrible documentary on Prime.
The cooling stand that I bought for the beast of a laptop came today. At least I think it was today, yes, definitely today. I ordered a mouse to go with it as well which makes a big difference. So it’s all good now, I can play my games, have more than one tab open and generally not start a fire in the motel room. That would be bad. The smoke detector has already been taped so I can vape at ease in here otherwise I would go mad. The cooling stand is pretty cool (get the JK there) as it has six fans and LEDs in them. So it looks like something from a hacker movie in the 90s. All about the stereotypes. I’m having fun with the fan controls. Make it sound like a plane engine or quiet as a whisper. Since I listen to music all the time here, the plane engine is. Things here at the motel are still a bit rough and scary at times. Lots of screaming and shouting from the room to my left; a young girl and her mum don’t seem to get along very well although that’s just based on the shouting and crying. To my right I have the drunk who snores, coughs up flem constantly and can hear stumbling about. Today they (other people) were trying to get into people’s rooms, obviously drunk, as they used their keys thinking they had this magical power to open any door- a skeleton key. Then they would bang on the door in frustration. They did it to mine. I have this secure lock from Amazon which when combined with the lock makes it impossible to unlock from the outside. Well. Unless they kick the door down or do a ‘Heres Johnny’ skit. I sleep better with it on and having music on helps. Although now the fans are on it drowns them out as well.
Proud of myself today. After a wobble this morning from Ben. He started having the misophonia thing again, where he’s super alert to any noises, which invoke his fight or flight response and goes ape. He starts kicking his door really hard and screaming out the window. I was with the dogs downstairs and they went batshit crazy. I shouted up at Ben, then had to text D to calm him down as he triggered my FND and I started drooling like an idiot and not being able to type on my phone. He left the house for fresh air, and he came back an hour later (he did check in on WhatsApp that he went to the shop with some money he ‘found’) all calm and his usual self. I was still a bit of a mess. Then D’s mum and boyfriend came in without D and they don’t speak English. Got a hug from them both. Ben came down and had hugs too. Then they sprang into action, picking up dog poo, tidying and started mowing the back. All in like 5 minutes of arriving. I in my lovely lameness just sat down awkwardly as they were doing jobs I should be doing but I can’t do any more. D came back and I left. I resisted the urge to go to Asda and pick up alcohol. It was tempting but I resisted. Not going to be that guy. So that’s why I’m proud of myself today.
This is a good one. My brother, the slag, phoned me and we spoke for 45 minutes about lots of different things that for reasons of privacy I won’t go into. It was nice talking to him though. Not a lot of people I can talk to on the phone. Owen has phone issues, D isn’t going to like to talk and yeah that’s it. The stuff I can say like talking about the past and moving on, how he’s doing well in his job and his drinking is more under control. It was nice to hear that he has a positive outlook on things.
So turns out that this Dell laptop throws off so much heat it’s shutting itself down, which is cool. Took it doing it twice to realize it was heat related. Picked it up, and almost melted my finger tips… so now a fork lives underneath the laptop so it’s not sat flat on the desk for better air flow, its been put in low battery mode and is now working as it should. The point being low battery mode is less demanding on the GPU & CPU so less heat is generated which also solves the problem.
I’ve ordered a stand fan thing for it so its all good. Its basically a stand with 6 fans strapped to the underneath, so when you put the laptop on it cools the underside. I’m back at the house tomorrow and put them on for pre 1pm delivery which is great, so I can go back to hammering the GPU with playing games.
Sorry for the breaking news that you just had to know this instant.
I’m also took a load of pills so forgive the spelling, punctuation and grammer!
So the laptop that I’m borrowing has a proper full size keyboard on it which makes typing so much easier. The keyboard is backlit which is beyond awesome (still working on using that word less) for me as I can sit in the dark and type a blog post. Because sitting in the dark with the curtains closed is normal at 5pm in the summer 0.o
I went to the office today in the end. I was stood in the room, all my stuff ready. Car keys, room keys, phone and pipe. Then after 5 minutes of shoes on shoes off I managed to make it to the car. There I sat thinking. The apprentice wont be in so any point of me going in? will they want to see me? do they even know me? lots of illogical random questions. Then I thought. “Fuck it”, slammed the car into gear and off I fled. I survived 4 hours which is a personal best for being in one place that isnt where I sleep. It was nice to talk to everyone at the charity as always. Plus one of them has a dog and omg hes awesome. Hes a bull mastif I think. Head twice the size of the body and wiggling pile of muscle. Who kept jumping on Judy which was sweet. Sorted out a few more laptops, tablets and phones ready for going out into the world.
I was going to walk around town but my back is really sore, I’ve avoided pain killers because we all know what Andy does when he’s around drugs. He eats them all. Managed to get back to the motel in one piece and nipped to the garage next door and grabbed some bits for dinner & breakfast. Then proceeded to sort out my meds from paper bags to the storage bag so its neat and tidy.
Christ almighty its karaoke night. Headphones on. If its not drunken bumwars in the corridor and car park its singing. I wouldn’t mind if they had talent but are they deaf?! leave it to the pros.
I’m with the kids tomorrow 9-4 which I’m looking forward to. I saw them yesterday as Ben was ill so I popped over. I say popped over but this place is on the outskirts on Bolton. Egh. Its worth it. He got the new Forza yesterday and hooked his steering wheel to my computer and sent me a few video clips. I’ll try and upload them after this.
I need the hotel door wedge lock thing. Hopefully they’ll find a place for me somewhere. I keep bidding on properties but never get close to anything. I know they’ve formally declared me homeless so they have a duty to find a place or keep me here till they do. Which is great, its made a massive difference to my mental health. Had a wobble to begin with but I handled it. They extended it till Tuesday next week but the Monday is a bank holiday so not sure if they are extending it again before Monday. Hopefully they will.
I’m using Microsoft Edge. Trialling it, see if it competes with Firefox which I’ve used since they were around. Netscape. Anyone remember that one?
