Tag: driving

Here I go again.

Andy YoungLeave a comment

I can’t say that without singing the song with it heeeeeeeeere I gooo again on my owwwwwn. I haven’t been able to do a post in a while as a few things happened in between last Thursday and now, so you’ve had second-rate posts and qotd.

So last Thursday I had an appointment with a consultant (mental health) which was years overdue. I remember little of the meeting except I siesuered up at some point and then suddenly back in the room with a scared consultant. I managed to get back to the relative safety of “Das Motel”. Next thing I know I’m awake on the floor and my face is fucking killing. It transpires that I passed out, banged my head and then managed to carpet-burn my face on the course carpet. Then proceeded to have the most fucked up morning of my life.

One second I was on my knees looking for things to bring to D’s house. Then she phoned me. Then I started getting scared. Then D was in the hotel room and stood behind me asking questions. If I was going to be there yet. Next flash. I’m suddenly on the road, I’m near the motorway. I don’t need the motorway. Blackout. Next flash about 20 minutes down the motorway. WTF am I doing here? Blackout. Cars beeping horns. I slammed on the brakes a lot, and my chest was sore from the seat belt. Suddenly I’m at D’s house. Then a knock at the door with a police officer standing there. “A lot of worried people have been looking for you. You don’t have your medication or your phone”. Then I was just talking gibberish at this point. The officer took me back to the motel and left the car outside of D’s house. I refused to go to the hospital despite his protests as my head was pretty dinged up. Agree for an ambulance to check me over. He waited with me till he was called onto his next job. He told the food truck I was sitting next to, to keep an eye on me. Same with the reception staff so I don’t wander off somewhere dangerous.

The brain slowly destressing. Hands working. Text D back that I’m alive and I am thankful she called the police when she couldn’t get hold of me. So. This triggered a few things. 1. not allowed out for a while, 2. if I have a seizure I need to sit somewhere and not move. The following Monday I had an army of phone calls from different agencies. My main one called me and told me he had the police report and that I was driving around randomly on the motorway network. They were tracking me on the ANPR cameras all the way home. No action was taken but no license. The doctor phoned and we talked for a good 30 minutes going over things, he said he has to tell the driving agency that I can’t drive with my FND condition, they can’t take the risk of it happening again. It was a miracle in the first place that no one was hurt. He raised a good point, he asked “Do you even remember getting into the car?” and no, I don’t, which is scary.

So that’s that. I’m seeing the consultant again this Friday and he’s bringing a friend. This is awesome because it went so well stressing out about it last time that it triggered me. If I’m getting blackout vibes then I’m cancelling.

That is why I haven’t posted till now as I can’t remember a lot of the things that happened that night and day. The stuff I do remember is all disjointed and like a gap in my memory. Sure that’s going to bite me in the arse one day in a flashback.

I’ll ease myself back into blogging. Should help maintain routine which has got me through the past week. Today I woke up really dizzy and it’s not gone away. So I accepted today would be an off day where I do things that calm me down. Like looking at the trading card collection I’m mid-sorting out. Masterchef, music, lots and lots of music.

Hope you’ve all had a good weekend.


Photo by Kat Smith on Pexels.com

A challenge

Andy Young4 Comments

Hi guys,
If you cast your mind back a couple of months, I did a poem-a-day challenge. This time I want to do questions based on only ten days’ worth. I’ll be starting them tomorrow. Some of them are annoying, some funny and some even scandalous.

Hopefully, you guys have had a good day today. My back is killing but finally found a position in the chair that’s not causing spasms. Spasms are awesome when you are typing. Hey here is a free advert for you, Grammerly you are awesome, and I use you heavily. It’s a match made in heaven, you fix mistakes and I’m the world’s biggest mistake. Enough of that.

The past two days have been messed up. My brain, walking and sleeping. I’ve not banged my head since two days ago but had my finger almost break when my head fell on it. Whether these fun little seizures stop is anyone’s guess.

Shit. That was the under-the-rug stuff. Oh well. When I was in hospital the doctor warned me this might happen. So far it’s only happened at night and in front of a laptop. The first time I was flat out for 7 hours but was still upright so it was like. I was looking at the time, I blinked and then it was 6.59 in the morning. The next day I was in the middle of a post then woke up three hours later, my face planted on the laptop and desk and a HUGE lump on my forehead from the edge of the laptop. The next day, the same thing but hit further up on the forehead. And lastly, one where I bent my finger.
As you can imagine because of that my sleep patterns are out the window. Went to bed a 5 a.m. as was scared I’d have another one. Slept. Woke up at 3 pm and started the day, Nothing yet. Just a very sore head inside and out. Maybe when D used to say I’d fall asleep and stay in one position all night and I ached from it the next day, they were seizures too.

I’ll see a doctor if it happens again, thankfully it’s only nighttime and not when I’m driving or walking about.

A picture paints a thousand words #5

Andy YoungLeave a comment

This is me. I got introduced to rock climbing on a skills exchange day with Slag (brother). Turns out I really enjoy it so we stuck to it for a while. It was an hour’s drive to get to the climbing center at the bottom of Snowden but it really was worth it.

It makes me happy when I look at this picture. Not because of my exceptional amount of hair and weight loss. But the quality time I had with slagather as well. We would talk about random stuff. He’d play music in his car to listen to and I’d do the same when we went in my car.

Did some crazy overtaking shit to cut down on time. All are still alive. Mostly!

Diazepam Thoughts

Andy Young2 Comments

It could just be the diazepam circulating in my blood and messing with my brain but I think I miss the covid times when we had to stay indoors and not leave the house. That itself makes me sad because I should want to go into the outside world and be social. Not miss the days when I didn’t have to make an excuse, it was simply just, well, covid so not leaving the house today. It’s really not fair on the family around me, it’s selfish of me and that’s not good.

I used to love going outdoors and doing things. Instead, now I fear it and dread the days when I have to leave. I have a handful of safe places that I can go to. The kid’s school for collection (I hide in the car), the pet food store, the petrol station, and the pharmacy. I can push myself sometimes and go and collect shopping from the collection point at the supermarket. I can walk the dogs but never lift my eyes from the pavement and rush along so no one sees me.

Truth be told. I hate it. I really really do. This time last year I had carers coming into the house to keep my company and try and take me outside. It worked but for several reasons, I contacted the council and stopped the home help. It really doesn’t help your self-esteem when you have care workers looking after you. I wish I could have that excitement again of going shopping and looking at all the food on the shelves instead of on an app. I wish I could jump in the car and drive somewhere and not freak out about stuff.

It could just be the diazepam. But, I miss the times when I didn’t need to excuse myself all the time. Like a crutch.