Tag: weekend

The Weekend Report (On a Tuesday)

Andy Young5 Comments
Weekend report -

We are officially doing the Weekend Report on a Tuesday. The timeline is flexible.

Things kicked off with a proper storm. The wind was howling, the rain was lashing against the windows, and pretty much every remaining leaf has been stripped from the trees. I was holding out hope for a power cut or a full thunderstorm, but you can’t have everything. It was the perfect background noise for summarizing my week in this informal report over the weekend.

I’ve been dealing with the side effects of a seizure, meaning my left arm currently has absolutely zero power. The electric tin opener has officially become the MVP of the kitchen. Because of the fallout from it, Ben couldn’t come over, but my carers stepped in with four daily visits to keep things running. They’ve been brilliant, and in this latest report for the weekend I can’t overstate how grateful I am for their help.

Movies & the sofa

With a lot of sofa time required, I leaned heavily into background noise to keep the brain quiet. I cycled through Amityville, a couple of Halloween movies, and the first Wishmaster. I tried to read some classic Jules Verne, but my thoughts were too loud, so I had to switch to adding a podcast to finally distract myself. A batch of new books arrived on Sunday, which I probably should have reached for instead. As you can see, my summary of the weekend report often involves all sorts of entertainment and distractions.

Blobette and Mojo, meanwhile, had an excellent weekend. I gave them a mix of greens covered in water, which they happily ate before deciding it was actually a bath. They spent ages unceremoniously sitting in a puddle, rolling about while the other patiently waited their turn. On weekends, their antics are always worthy of a mention in my little report.

Today is also a big day: Suzi is 17. The trains from Congleton are currently a mess because of damaged overhead lines, so I made sure to post her presents ahead of time so she’d have something to open today. Hopefully, she can make it round here for a proper visit once the transport is sorted. Updates like these add a little spirit to my personal Weekend Report every week.

Cheese & wine

In other news, I am attempting to lose a bit of weight, which means cutting down on cheese and pivoting to low-fat options where possible. Tragically, I have completely run out of cheese again. I don’t think I can ever give it up entirely; it is practically my heritage. It takes me right back to being 12 or 13 at the farm. After my mum finished work, we’d sit in the dining room. She would have a big glass of red wine, a selection of little cuts of cheese, and potato triangle crisps, and she would share them with me. It was only ever a thirty-minute window, but I really enjoyed that time. By the way, these memories are always a highlight of any report I write for the weekend.

Weekend report -
Weekend report – 15 year old photo of my late mum at the farm with ben and her beloved wine.

For now, I am back on the sofa, waiting for my stomach to settle from the anxiety. My physical and mental health are currently locked in a fierce competition to see which can be the most spectacularly uncooperative. It is a decidedly rough patch right now, but much like a stubborn piece of tech, I just need a firm smack on the side. I’ll bounce back. I always do. To sum up, this week’s edition of the report, Weekend style, has been a blend of challenges, comfort, and nostalgia.

Update: New Books!

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Thank you everyone for your book suggestions to read to the birds. They all came today. Right now I’m reading Moby Dick to them right now, so as soon as we get through that we will move onto these. I just wanted to update you all to let you know I listened!

Thank you.

Tad windy outside here in Manchester although its died down now. No trees came down but the leafs! Everywhere! looks nice, very seasonesque.

Have an amazing rest of your weekend.

The Weekend Report: Digital Freight, Nosey Cameras, and Ballistic Shields

Andy Young3 Comments
old photo of ben

The weekend has officially concluded, the teenager has been successfully returned to his rightful owners, and I am currently pinned to the sofa by a necessary dose of diazepam (or Valium, for those stateside). I had to take it to calm my nervous system down after a post-visit, overwhelm-induced seizure. Project Zomboid is on in the background, and I am heavily contemplating a sofa nap that my brain will almost certainly refuse to allow. Not to mention I had terrible nightmares last night. I was exhausted from the lack of sleep so while it was good to sleep for six hours, the nightmares? so not worth it.

Ben made it home safely this afternoon. The trains were packed, which I’m sure made the 15-minute walk to the station carrying a bag stuffed with roughly 80% of my fridge’s contents an absolute joy. We had a great time, largely fueled by a newly purchased Steam sale game called Bering Tonnage. It is an incredibly complicated cargo shipping simulator that we spent five solid hours trying to figure out on Saturday. I tapped out at 11:30 PM. I found out today that Ben, left to his own devices, stayed up moving digital freight until 4:00 AM. That certainly explains his absolute fatigue when I woke him up this morning. I did actually play the role of responsible parent and made him proper bacon and fried egg sandwiches for breakfast.

Before he succumbed to the cargo logistics black hole, he did actually earn his keep. The new daylight lamp for the birds is officially installed and operational. Mojo and Blobette absolutely love it, and it is going to be a lifesaver for the darker winter nights (and for the days I simply need to hide from the world with the blackout blinds). I tried to capitalise on this good mood by enticing Mojo with some millet spray. He looked genuinely tempted to step onto my outstretched hand, but my FND was thoroughly playing up, leaving my arm shaking like a leaf. Mojo abruptly cancelled the negotiation—birds, it turns out, do not trust a vibrating perch. Thankfully, the diazepam is starting to calm those tremors down, so I will try again after his current snooze.

In other domestic news, we took some time to reposition the front security camera so it can properly see the steps leading to the main door. Why? Because someone was outside throwing up, and naturally, we had to stealthily pan the camera to get a better look at the drama. Am I nosey? Yes. Do I have any regrets? Absolutely not.

Looking ahead, I am very close to hitting my savings goal for Ben’s birthday and Christmas present. At the end of the month, I’ll be ordering him a £150 electric guitar bundle that comes with the amp and strings. He has been playing acoustic brilliantly for the past few years, so he is incredibly excited for the upgrade. His mum is picking up a floor stand and an effects pedal for him, because the walls in his new house apparently do not have the structural integrity to support wall mounts.

On the blog admin side of things, I had a very pleasant surprise. It turns out I have a Tumblr account that WordPress has been quietly cross-posting to, and it is actually getting some engagement. Even better, someone generously dropped a £5 donation in my Buy Me a Coffee. To whoever that was: you have no idea how much that made me smile. Thank you. It has given me the kick I needed to look into the platform’s features and figure out some actual reward tiers for the future.

Finally, against my better judgement, a brief foray into world affairs. I don’t usually talk politics or religion here, largely because it’s too polarising and life is exhausting enough. But the whole Trump taking Russia’s side thing is genuinely baffling to me. It also got me thinking about the UK’s nuclear deterrence strategy. Why are we relying on the frankly terrifying “Mutually Assured Destruction” promise of hitting back? Surely, building a ballistic shield to cover the UK and parts of Europe would be a much more sensible choice. Charge us all a fiver a month on our council tax bills to fund it. It would certainly belay a lot of the country’s underlying dread without relying on a standoff. But that is exactly as far into politics as I am willing to wade today.

Question of the Day: What do you think about the ballistic shield idea? Would you happily chip in a fiver a month to just intercept the problem instead of relying on the promise of blowing up the world? Let me know in the comments.

Now, if you will excuse me, my heavy-but-wired state requires some immediate attention. It is officially Cheese O’clock. Must be the half dutchness.

The Weekend Report (on a Tuesday)

Andy Young1 Comment

I really enjoyed this weekend. B came round on Saturday and stayed till Sunday. He got the train here (an hour and a half away) but the train back on Sunday involved a replacement rail bus so I asked his mum if she could pick him up on the Sunday instead, which she did which was nice of her. Ben also wanted to take home one of his acoustic guitars. He has left me the half size one to play on when I’m bored. For the record, my fingers are too fat to play chords properly. I think I’m too old now to learn new tricks.

We spent the time together talking, laughing at youTube videos and watching a movie which for the life of me I can’t remember what it was called. It was about a casino heist and armoured money vans. It was good, we enjoyed it. It was nice while B was here as he was really helpful as usual. When he comes round I cancel my carers and he takes over the role. Which I appreciate. Plus it also means no one coming into the flat at 8am when hes sound asleep haha. I unfortunately have to wake up at 8am for the medication and things.

I’m not sure if I mentioned it anywhere but due to my health I have four carer visits in a day. On Wednesday’s and Friday’s I get a cleaning call where they help me with the tasks I cannot do (changing the bed, hoovering etc) and the shopping call is a collection from the local asda and they put it away for me. The medication calls are the most important as I’m under strict orders to be compliant. Which I have been. Usually I get bored or think “Medication is the devil” and then I stop. Then bad things happen. I’ll end up in hospital again and then cycle restarts. I haven’t done that in two years which is a record. I have been in hospital but that’s because of either the neurological disorder or the diabetes. Not sure I mentioned the diabetes. I’ve lost all feeling in the toes & digits of both my feet now. I failed the pin prick test and I’m waiting on the podiatrist to see if they can help.

So I bought a camera which works with double glazing, I originally wanted it for the lounge window. I live on the ground floor so I get people walking outside at all hours. Opposite is a crack den (to each’s own) and they are usually screaming and shouting all day. They also monitor the flat door because amazon leave parcels out there from time to time and they steal them. It’s very annoying. I would love to get those paint explosion fake boxes they use in America against porch pirates. Then the camera would be especially funny. Focus. I decided to install the camera in the back instead because that is more of a risk that the front. I don’t have a garden or anything, but there has been a few times at night that I’ve heard people back there. And so I installed the camera. We turned on the motion tracking and tested it. The next day I had a couple of alerts. Squirrels!!! They were running along the top of the fence, backwards and forwards, then they disappeared from view. That was nice to see. Unlike the front where the rats and magpies fight.

A successful weekend.

I don’t even think we played a game or anything, that’s a first!

Ghost Recon image

Also I spotted this on Steam on offer, I really couldn’t say no for that price. I used to love the rainbow 6 series. So looking forward to playing this one tonight.

Did everyone else have a good weekend?

Today’s Random Post

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So tomorrow B is coming round for the weekend. Now that they have moved, it takes him 1.5 hours on the train to get here. I do feel bad about the fact he has to make that journey, especially because he has to stop at Piccadilly, so naturally I worry. But I’m looking forward to it: playing games and watching random stuff on YouTube, then talking about random stuff. Maybe we’ll even do a Random Post together. The time flies by. Plus, I have all his favourite foods in again. Every morning he is here, he gets a fried egg and bacon sandwich for breakfast, which he enjoys. Granted, he doesn’t wake up till 12 p.m., so it’s not technically breakfast, but you get what I mean.

For the past two years I’ve been paying extra for a bill which I didn’t realise that I had paid off. Long ago. They never told me so it’s a good thing that I asked. I had amassed £230 in over payments so I got that back a few days ago. Win! I’ve spent some of it on a window camera for my lounge to add to the security and the rest squirrelled away for the birthday & christmas season. First Suzi in October, then the Rebecca in November and Ben in December. Then Christmas presents for all three. So the money will come in really handy. By the way, saving money means I may have time to write another random post soon.

I’ve successfully managed to do nothing productive today. That wasn’t the plan but I started throwing up & feeling sick around midday today so I have been wallowing in self pity. I’m feeling better now, of course naturally the whole day has gone. I wanted to do another archive post with photos but I’ve lacked the cognitive capacity. Maybe I’ll try and do one now—perhaps another post, maybe something completely random, could appear next.

I’ve been watching project zomboid play throughs again. The past couple of weeks it has been a constant. I don’t know why I find it so soothing to watch. Looting houses, killing zombies and building up a decent base. There is something about it that I just enjoy. I do actually own the game so I should try playing it at some point and see how difficult it is. I would probably last a few minutes. Still, when not gaming, I am usually reading a random post or two online.

So for the past week I have been trying to tame the birds a bit better. They just don’t like it when you pick them up or at least try to. They will tweet, sing, play hide and seek but picking them up instantly freaks them out. So I did some research and someone suggested sitting next to them and reading. So for the past week we have been reading war of the worlds. It’s a technical read, at least for me, as its written in a more traditional english.

The birds don’t mind m trying to sound out certain words but they seem to enjoy it. The fluff up, sit close to me and just listen for thirty minutes. I really hope it continues to make a difference. The other thing I read was to put your arm in the cage for five minutes every day to get them used to that. Not sure about that one as they will get distressed. In other news, maybe my next random post will be all about birds.

And this is where I leave you dear reader. I’m still trying to work out a schedule for my posts so I’m not just spamming every day. Maybe three times a week. That gives me a chance to read other peoples blogs, comment and like them. To sum up, I’m already planning my next Random Post for you all to read.

Overcoming Anxiety: A Trek to the Shop and Contemplations on Fear

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I know its been a few days since I last posted. I’ve been wallowing in my own self pity again. It peaked yesterday so am slowly coming back up, hopefully. It left me wondering about a few things, fear of leaving the flat. I’ve had this get worse as time goes by and I thought I would of mastered it by now.

Today, I managed to get outdoors. A trek to the shop to pay some utility bills and grab some yoghurt. Exciting stuff undoubtedly. But I managed to get out. It took a lot of “Don’t think about it” and “Just go, don’t look back”. The odd thing about all this is if I’m with a person, I can do it so long as someone is next to me. I’ll experiment this coming week to see if its anyone or if it has to be a specific person.

The diet has gone well, I’ve lost another 5kg. I’m aware that doesn’t sound much but any movement with my weight is a good thing. I’ve mostly been having diet shakes, soup and bread and then some hard boiled eggs for when the times are hard. It’s not a bad diet. It is difficult and I do have to keep on reminding myself that pain is temporary and soon the craving will go. Hopefully, the next week will be much of the same.

Now, after all that exciting news I’ve spent the day listening to music at obnoxious volumes to compete with the stomping I hear from the elephant that lives upstairs. Not that they are as fat as a elephant, its more just the noise. Can’t complain too much as the bedroom here is amazing, I do have my windows open day and night so its always cool to sleep in but I fall asleep often to podcasts and I’m always worried people can hear it, even though I have it on low.

I’m missing family at the moment. It would be nice to see the kids but I’m not allowed till September. This was due to an incident wherein B was staying with me, I was curled up in agony and trapped in those fun delusions. I think I already blogged about it. Its also the tenth anniversary of mum dying. She passed away from cancer, this day, 4.30am in 2014. I still miss her. I miss Dad as well, he died 14th August 2018. I also got divorced last year on 14th August just a day before my birthday. Its not a great month. But, its almost over. I’ll light a candle tonight for mum and look through some photos.

And food delivery will be here shortly so that is all from me!

Oh, that and I’m happy with todays progress getting out of the house. Next stop, hair cut! Its last been cut back in December and I can make a pony tail. I just look like comic book guy. Wait. I have an arsenal of comics. I have therefore I am. Anyway. Positive vibes!

Weekly newsletter?

Andy Young1 Comment

Hello. In this post, we’ll be talking about The flat.

Its been a week since I last posted. Quite a lot happened in the week, it was an odd week of everything that could go wrong, did in fact go very, wrong.

The flat

Wednesday last week was amazing. I had the call about the flat and most importantly they said it was all signed off and ready to sign up. They sent through some paperwork and a request for the first weeks rent. Not a problem, paid, filled everything in and then arranged to meet on Friday at 12pm.

It was cold. The wind strong. But I got an Uber from the motel to the flat which got me there for 11.45am. Waited till 12.15pm then texted the housing guy. Nothing. 12.30pm and gave him a ring. “Oh you are at the property! I asked the lettings team to call you this morning as a mistake was made. The property isn’t ready!”. Awesome.

“Are you taking the piss? I’ve been stood in the freezing cold for 45mins and now need to call an taxi, £12 one way.” He apologised a lot. I got back to the motel and face planted into the bed.;’

And so…

I emailed a summary of the events, how its affected my mental health, how its soul destroying being here and it gets worse each day. That I would like to make a formal complaint. I got an email back on Friday saying sorry, followed up with a phone call from the manager. She was apologetic, said that they will progress the complaint up the chain and that as a sorry you can have a gift voucher for £50. I asked if it was a bribe and she said no.

They are supposed to call me today (Wednesday) to let me know the new date. Hopefully it won’t be something like a year. I did say to the manager that I wanted an exact date, what needs to be done and if I can move in while they carry out the work. That I wouldn’t mind.

The charity

Yesterday I had an email from the charity that I do refurbishment work for. So old laptop comes in, I clean and sort then its given to a family or person in need. I think I explained it better in an earlier post. Well anyway, I would volunteer my Tuesdays & Thursdays to sorting out any bits, arranging collections and drop offs. Well, they haven’t managed to secure funding and are shutting down the digital side of things. Bleh. I was quite upset as I enjoyed helping people and putting my skills to good use. Tomorrow I’ll start doing some research into other projects and see if I can link in with them.

Blah

Had R round on Saturday, we went into town to the museum and had an awesome daddy daughter day. So something good did happen.

Why do I do this?

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Its now common that I go to dotis house at least three days in a week. Whether thats for baby sitting duties, or fixingan alexa thats gone postal. I was there yesterday kids came home, hung out with the kids for as long as they could manage.

F was due to come back for 7pm so I was just pottering about, doing some work. Things like that. Then I though oh I’m starving as I didnt make any toasties for me. I thought, well when doti comes home I’ll get us a takeaway as a treat and we can talk and catch up.

She called saying “I’ll be back soon so you can go”, “Oh how come? I dont mind waiting for you”, “Well I do so go”. That hurt. A lot. Gave the kids hugs, ordred the Uber and off I went. Dreams of sharing some food toether and chatting. But no I am just a baby sitter for her.

Still depressed about the whole thing plus I won’t be getting my dream flat for another 7 weeks; it really messed up my head. I was on the computer, watching random stuff to take my mind off things. Then the clock went from 1 to 4 am in a split second, and my back was burning like hell in agony. I checked certain things, and yes, I had a seizure. I love my life.

Medusa got nothing on you

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Hello


It had been a few days since I did a proper post, so I thought, why not on this late summer’s day do a post despite taking an epic amount of medication, my brain would not sleep. Whether this is strike action because I didn’t indulge in any brain-appealing work today, I don’t know. It could just be insomnia. I can’t wait to find out.

I had the pleasure of looking after Doti’s house today, I was there from 8 am to 9 pm. It was nice, Ben was keen to show me Forza with his steering wheel and pedals in action. Just needs to set up the stream deck with his shortcuts. We had a talk about stuff for a while. Life stuff that we never talk about. It was good. Wholesome fun. Followed by him giving me his Liberty County role-playing moves on putting an IV line in my arm and then stabilising my heart after being shot. You know what? if it makes him happy then I’m happy. The day passed pretty quickly, did a few things like dishes and stocking up on the basics. It’s my day off tomorrow and Monday so will try and be productive with housing applications since the housing officer I have seems to of forgotten about me.

The motel seems to of taken in a few scruffy stoners who are huffing on the nitrous in the corridor. For laughing gas, they don’t laugh much. Must be a saying.

Delusional behaviour. So I’m not sure if this is most people but every few minutes a random story plays out in my mind. So I’ll think of something like ‘This person is annoying” but then turns into a 3 season epic movie in my mind where I do x, y and z. I then, for lack of a better term, zoom out and I’m back to normal. Seconds have passed but minutes in my mind. It is messed up. Like the hallucinations. “I need to finish writing this down or I’ll for..” The book disappears, hand still in pen mode. Gone. Or there I am watching this dance of people in front of me and I stand up to dance and it all goes away. Like living dreams maybe.

That’s normal, right?

A little time

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So. D and the kids are off camping, they set off on Saturday for 9 days of camping all around Scotland. I’m here, at home with the dogs, unsupervised.

The occupational therapy nurse came today and I managed to get up off the sofa with one hand and not face-planting. They still want me to use two sticks. Something I am totally adverse to. We hobbled around the house with two sticks, I couldn’t quite work out how to do it but she said if I don’t think about the rhythm (left foot, right stick) then I seem to be doing okay. Did all the fun exercises in the kitchen such as testing my balance and such. I thought I would get away with her coming in a week but alas, no, Friday.

I am making progress. I managed to take both dogs out yesterday but almost keeled over halfway around the block with back pain. Guessing it’s because I’ve not been moving much due to the walking issues. So in theory should get better the more I do it. I’ll do the little exercises they left me and build my strength faster. I’ll take them to the green space which is less than 50m from the house. Keep doing that until I can try the block walk again.

I’m trying to keep myself busy while I’m on my own. Namely, cleaning and doing the washing. You know, thrilling things like that. Still sleeping on the sofa. I think it would be weird to sleep in what is now D’s room. I struggle to go in to get fresh clothes as it is.

It’s still bothering me, a couple of weeks ago I was rushed to hospital in an ambulance but there is nothing but a massive gap from not being able to get up from the bed. Then a doctor told me I had an FND attack but it’s passing so I can go home at 3am. So I’m missing 9pm to 3am. I have no idea, no images, no fragments absolutely nothing. D said that three ambulances turned up. When I suddenly came back to normal at 3am and was told I can leave, I booked an Uber and then noticed that I wet myself. Made for a lovely trip back from the hospital. Poor taxi driver. It just bothers me having gaps in my memory. It does happen from time to time but not for such long periods. Was I talking to people? Did I behave? Just what the hell was I doing, was I in a seizure? Short of requesting a report from A&E it will always remain a mystery. It’s just scary you know, I could have killed someone and not even remembered any part of it, it’s THAT blank.

I’m seeing this 9-day isolation as practice for when I move out to my own place. This looks promising after having several interviews with the local council who are now looking for supported accommodation for me, or level access so ground floor flats and houses. So I’ve managed to sort out the kitchen and part of the lounge. It’s tidy it just needs crap put back to where it came from. In the packing madness, it looked like a twister hit the house.

The experiment.

Upon D & the kids leaving I broke all the rules which usually apply when kids or D is here. It was quite the achievement but figured I needed to get it out of my system. I won’t be going into too many details but let’s say it took a fear & loathing style affair. With that out of the way, I have started structuring today. I’ve been working as well, which I shouldn’t do as Mondays and Fridays belong to me, not charity.

I gathered all the unopened Pokemon packs, super Mario packs, DC packs… All of them. Stared at them for a few minutes and put them all back unopened. I have a theory. I had them delivered just before the stroke FND crap started. That and usually I open them with D as she always enjoyed opening them. I was more into sorting them out and putting them away. Since things with D have broken down I guess the packets now represent something sad in my life and I can’t open them. Stupid but might just be correct. The thought of her opening them with me fills me with joy but then I remembered she really won’t do that ever again and I’ll lose that feeling and now when I think about it, it feels like a frikking punch to the stomach.

Think I’ll play a game. To diablo or Russian fishing. The agony of choice. Oh, wait. I need to put more washing on. So many towels.