QOTD

Daily writing prompt
Tell us about the last thing you got excited about.

My bestie coming over from Sheffield to meet me in Machester city centre.


I booked a hotel for us. Reasonably priced at £100 a night but you have a checkout time of 12 the next day. Planning to get hammered with him and have a night of talking, catching up, some good food and a wander around town to see the old places we used to go. I wanted to stop at a sushi restaurant but wasn’t sure if he would like it. We went to one for his birthday a long time ago. 2012? See that number in my head means nothing, it was like it was yesterday not a decade ago. then go to ye old pub and sit and talk to the small hours, climb into bed and have a lay in till 11 am. Then get some brunch from Wetherspoons before walking him back to the train station and hugging him goodbye.


He messaged that he was ill and couldn’t make it.

I’m trying to silence my mind on this.

Half of me is screaming “Ha this is what you deserve, you can’t have friends” Then the other half is “OMG is he okay? He has a gut problem”. So depends on which way I look at it. Friends running away from me because I’m a dickhead and a loser. Living in a fucking motel not knowing what’s going to happen next, two frikkin seizures I’ve not told anyone about. Pathetic. A pathetic piece of shit who does nothing but burden people and make it about you. You fucking loser. Do it. You’ve got the pills.


Then of course the logical side says thank god he’s okay and it’s nothing serious. We can meet up again another time, it isn’t a problem. I got the money back from the hotel so no loss. Hopefully, he hasn’t bought his train tickets yet. But you can get a refund on those too. If he’s not up to it, it’s not his fault that his body is being lame.


Oh, mental health. Starting to love you as much as physical help.


Two seizures. Two sets of bumps on my forehead, One biten tongue.


Piss take.

Wow this QOTD went dark fast. I’m not going to kill myself I’m capable of telling my brain to stop and have coping mechanisms in place for when this kind of thing happens.

Procrastination

I had a good day. I also had a confusing day but we will sweep that one under the rug for now. Has anyone ever used BueStacks before? amazing bit of software that lets you create your own ‘Android tablet’ and you can put your Google account on then most importantly, play games you play on your phone but instead on your own laptop/desktop which I find amazing.

I can be typing this out and stop to check out something on the app I have running in the background. You can zoom in, set different resource usage and also have macros. Ahh macros. I can record a sequence of clicks when grinding in a game and leave it to it in the background while I get on with something else. Always loved macros. The permanent pursuit of ever-changing macro detection tools.
My good day. I had a productive meeting with some clients who need some IT training for a mental health ward. For free obviously, so I’m taking on the project and turning it into an all-in-one service. So a patient comes in, I’ll help them set up email accounts or how to get on government sites, you know all the basics. Then when it’s time for them to leave the hospital I can give them a free laptop or tablet with some data sims to then go off into the world, digitally equipped and not excluded anymore. Huzzah. So I’ll do the training on Fridays from 10 am to 2 pm and adjust it depending on attendance. A member of staff will be there in case they throw things at me. Should I tell them I’m crazy too? probably not. That might help them. Seeing me functioning so all is not lost. Big-headed much.

Then the weird thing happened between 12 pm and 2.30 pm. But, yes, I know under the rug.
I went to see my social worker, Julie or Judy. That’s so bad I don’t remember her name. She bought me a coffee at the canteen and we sat there talking about stuff for a good 1.5 hours. Not going over my life story but just chatting about different things, mental health and physical health, but it was so nice. I haven’t spoken to a proper person in a while. Especially one who is knowledgeable in health care. We came up with a three-step plan that she’s going to do tomorrow. I’m worried that the hotel won’t be renewed for another week since Monday is a bank holiday. She said in no circumstances would they stop funding the hotel until I am in a flat/house or whatever. But she will call them to get double confirmation and text me about it. Then the other one was to sort my benefits as they are missing money off it, so she has access to an adviser who can help so that’ll be a three-way call next week. And the final thing is she wants to hunt down my other social worker who is supposed to be finding me a place to leave, corner him and then throttle him. Extreme


Those weren’t the best bits. The best bit was when she gave me a £20 voucher for the supermarket from her department. They also gave me a bag full of things, toothpaste & and toothbrush, shower gels, 6 pairs of socks, shorts, few tops- all brand new and untouched. Oh, and a mug, deodorant, pens and a notebook and yeah it was thoughtful of them. I spent the voucher already on my way back. I discovered that if I use a small trolley don’t have to struggle with stick. New skill unlocked! Bought a lot of nice things that can made with hot water, cordial/squash, porridge tubs and just all the things I needed.

And now I sit, off to bed. Possibly. Possibly another terrible documentary on Prime.

QOTD

What is one goal you have for the next year?

Surprisingly I do actually have some goals for the year. I say a year but let’s clarify that to one year from today.

Boring Goals:
Pay off credit cards
Always have a positive balance in my account

Less boring goals:
Visit & do a weekly shop in the flesh at a supermarket alone. This one will be challenging for my social & panic problems which leads to…
Learn several new coping methods by researching them, practicing them, and then applying them
Find a way to carry on my charity work (providing tech to the digitally poor) whilst taking on more contract work
Up-Skill and learn a new language (programming)
See bestie at least four times a year

Obligatory goals:
Lose weight
Go to the gym at least once a week (I have a membership bit being in a space with lots of people causes brain bleeding)