Tag: social worker

Its far to hot to have tea

Andy YoungLeave a comment

The bright white screen glare was giving me a suntan, so I’ve moved over to outlook to type this as it has a dark feature. I’m boiling. I hate the heat. I know its hot when my anti-sweat pills from the doctors don’t work. Taken a double dose so hopefully that will do the trick. Feeling sick. I think the kimchi tub I had for dinner is trying to escape its nice warm bed in my stomach, which is lovely I must say. Anyway.

Today was a mixed bag. I woke up early and called the mental health team to arrange an appointment with the consultant, so that’s sorted for next Monday. I got all my clothed ready to be washed. Social worker number 1 called to see how things are going, met with social worker number 2 and on Wednesday I’m hosting a meeting with social worker number 3. They’ve also extended my stay here for another week. Sort of happy, sort of sad. I have stability for a week but its frustrating that a property hasn’t been found yet. Hopefully soon.

My CPN and social worker number 3 want to come along to see the consultant with me which is nice. I explained that I’m scared I’ll just say everything is okay when its not. I’m not suicidal again yet which is good, but my voices and hallucinations have made a comeback. Also, that weird waking dream thing keeps happening. Lost in thought. If it doesn’t stop, I’ll call the crisis line and bore them with the details it’s been a few weeks since I phoned them now, I have a CPN to moan to.

Doti asked me to come over and check in on the kids after my meeting today. It was nice Suzi came down and gave me a hug. I bought them sandwiches and sausage rolls. Drinks and treats that they probably wont like, which is fine because I’ll be there tomorrow from 9am. Ben starts his school tomorrow. Think I’m more nervous than he is. He needs to get to the bus stop, jump on till end of the line and then finish with a long walk to the high school. He has all the bus details printed out and laminated. He’s got his phone so if he gets stuck or lost I can track him down and collect him. Suzi is going back on Wednesday, so I’ll have some company apart from the dogs. I ordered some clothes as a treat which should be arriving tomorrow and a back brace.

I looked around online to find a solution to my weak back and people were raving about how good a back brace is. So opted for one of the more expensive ones in the hopes that it will make walking a bit easier. Or if I can stand longer. Standing seems to be the main issue. I can walk, get to the shop, pain starts, get my shopping, rest at the counter while the nice people pack my stuff, get back to the motel room and omg chair I love you feelings when I sit down. Within a minute, less than a minute, the pain goes and I’m happy again. If the back brace helps me last just a couple of minutes longer, I will be happy. Otherwise, it goes back to amazon.

I’ll try and lay down and see if the sweating stops or I magically cool down. Night folks.

Halfway house

Andy Young1 Comment

I’m trying to sleep but I’m struggling. I don’t want the Valium as I’ll just get hung over again like I was all this morning. It’s fine when you have nothing to do the next day but I’ve got stuff that needs to get done

Problem one: I need to wake up at or before 9:30 a.m. to speak to Mental Health services about seeing the consultant for an assessment. I can’t for the life of me figure out what for. Is there some magic wand or stick he points at me and poof suddenly I’m okay again. I’m depressed because I lost my independence with FND crippling me, my wife left, living in a motel while the council find me a flat and yeah to me that is a lot going which explains the depression. Am I thinking of killing myself? yes but that’s just thoughts, I’m not taking active steps in following through on plans. So back to the question at hand. Why do I need to see him? My meds are fine, don’t mess with them they are working. If I wanted a chat I’d call the mental health helpline.

Problem two: I need to find a laundrette that collects my dirty washing and drops it off all nice and clean. There are no facilities here to wash your clothes which is fair enough. Unless I wait till Wednesday and wash them while I’m at Doti’s house. My house. The house, old house. And use the machine we have there. It’s only two loads so should have it done by home time. Unless I come on Tuesday and stay, but then I need to be at the office. Hmm. I’ll find a laundrette and get it sorted. I think my social worker found one…. I remember he did and texted me the number. So will ring them and see what the deal is.

Problem three: Meeting with a social worker. I can’t remember which one I’m meeting (currently 3) tomorrow and where. Usually, it’s a place just down the road from where I used to live. There are offices there and even a cafe inside. All are hidden behind the main street. I know it’s at 1 pm. So mass text would be the solution.

Problem four: Insomnia. No caffeine drinks after 7 p.m. Make an appointment with the doctor.

Problem five: Exercise. Part of the recovery is to get the strength back in my body to move around. I can hobble a short distance but need to find a way of doing it but seating is available every hundred feet or so. That way I woke fall over and collapse. I would love to walk down the main road and do it but I checked today and there are no benches. Maybe a park would be better. I’ll have a look online and see if there are any good ones. I think there is one with a lake that has benches along it so I could try that.

Thank you for reading my boring list of chores. I’ll attempt to sleep now. It’s warm. There is no breeze. Agh.

Procrastination

Andy Young2 Comments

I had a good day. I also had a confusing day but we will sweep that one under the rug for now. Has anyone ever used BueStacks before? amazing bit of software that lets you create your own ‘Android tablet’ and you can put your Google account on then most importantly, play games you play on your phone but instead on your own laptop/desktop which I find amazing.

I can be typing this out and stop to check out something on the app I have running in the background. You can zoom in, set different resource usage and also have macros. Ahh macros. I can record a sequence of clicks when grinding in a game and leave it to it in the background while I get on with something else. Always loved macros. The permanent pursuit of ever-changing macro detection tools.
My good day. I had a productive meeting with some clients who need some IT training for a mental health ward. For free obviously, so I’m taking on the project and turning it into an all-in-one service. So a patient comes in, I’ll help them set up email accounts or how to get on government sites, you know all the basics. Then when it’s time for them to leave the hospital I can give them a free laptop or tablet with some data sims to then go off into the world, digitally equipped and not excluded anymore. Huzzah. So I’ll do the training on Fridays from 10 am to 2 pm and adjust it depending on attendance. A member of staff will be there in case they throw things at me. Should I tell them I’m crazy too? probably not. That might help them. Seeing me functioning so all is not lost. Big-headed much.

Then the weird thing happened between 12 pm and 2.30 pm. But, yes, I know under the rug.
I went to see my social worker, Julie or Judy. That’s so bad I don’t remember her name. She bought me a coffee at the canteen and we sat there talking about stuff for a good 1.5 hours. Not going over my life story but just chatting about different things, mental health and physical health, but it was so nice. I haven’t spoken to a proper person in a while. Especially one who is knowledgeable in health care. We came up with a three-step plan that she’s going to do tomorrow. I’m worried that the hotel won’t be renewed for another week since Monday is a bank holiday. She said in no circumstances would they stop funding the hotel until I am in a flat/house or whatever. But she will call them to get double confirmation and text me about it. Then the other one was to sort my benefits as they are missing money off it, so she has access to an adviser who can help so that’ll be a three-way call next week. And the final thing is she wants to hunt down my other social worker who is supposed to be finding me a place to leave, corner him and then throttle him. Extreme


Those weren’t the best bits. The best bit was when she gave me a £20 voucher for the supermarket from her department. They also gave me a bag full of things, toothpaste & and toothbrush, shower gels, 6 pairs of socks, shorts, few tops- all brand new and untouched. Oh, and a mug, deodorant, pens and a notebook and yeah it was thoughtful of them. I spent the voucher already on my way back. I discovered that if I use a small trolley don’t have to struggle with stick. New skill unlocked! Bought a lot of nice things that can made with hot water, cordial/squash, porridge tubs and just all the things I needed.

And now I sit, off to bed. Possibly. Possibly another terrible documentary on Prime.

Midlife Madness

Andy Young10 Comments

So today is my birthday!

40 years, never in a million years did I think I would make it to this milestone. Despite trying my best to kill myself multiple times, I am somehow still here. I find that cause to celebrate. A subway with all the toppings is en route.

I got cards this morning and S made me some stickers to use. I had a meeting with a few people this morning to do with mental health. They are going to put a few things in place to help out. I had to show them my arm with all the bruising from the past few days. They said that when it turns into killing myself then call the emergency services. Because obviously, you think of doing that when you are in the ‘zone’. I guess they have to tell you that just in case you do something so they are covered.

They’ve arranged a big meeting in September where all my caseworkers are being assembled to see if they have sorted my housing and mental health things out. It’s an accountability meeting with 7 people on the must-attend list. That petrifies me, but the social worker this morning reassured me about it. It’s a good meeting not a bad one and if I don’t want it all at once I can separate it. He is also going to chase up the housing officer who has been assigned my case to see what steps he is taking to make things happen. Basically, I need a place to live. Then everything else will fall into place.

R remembered it was my birthday and sent me wishes. This made me happy.

I’ll probably do a QOTD since I love doing them, later.

…

40 more years. Christ.

Reborn #2

Andy YoungLeave a comment

Today is a new day, a whole brand new fresh day, and one to move on with. I’m currently covered in scratches from Dobby as it was bath time and hair trimming. Much hair was lost. But alas I found it on my trousers, t-shirt, and underwear. Everywhere. Not that I mind but I’m still a bit awkward around D after yesterday and it takes two people to clean the dog and sort the hair out. Fortunately, it involves me sitting on the floor with a lead which is something that I can do without the sticks.

Hate talking about them now. I’m still getting grief because I’m not using two. I suppose I’ll fall over at some point when only using one for the message to get into my head. I know she means well and that’s what the doctor has ordered but being berated every time they visit doesn’t help. The house is full of crappy tension as it is and that pushed me over the edge yesterday and I self-harmed.

Not proud of what I did but I did admit it to my social worker. Poor guy. He’s new and got both barrels from me when I had to explain what’s up and what is going on at the moment. I explained that I’m safe and it was needed to de-escalate the way my mood was swinging. So now I get the reset the counter again but you know what, who cares, no damage was done to anyone, and I’m still here which I might not have been if I didn’t do it. The unhealthy coping strategy of a borderline.

The social worker is going to try and help me out with a few things. He managed to sort me a doctor’s appointment for next Friday. I was surprised, as the doctor’s office called me before the social worker. “Hi Dr x would like to see you next Friday.” she politely said, “Why does the doctor want to see me?” I asked. “No, he just wants to see you but hasn’t said why”. Confused as ever, which is pretty much always, my social worker then rang me to say he spoke to the doctor’s receptionist and asked for one. He said it’d do me good to speak to them to see if I can get some more referrals to speed up the housing process. I’m trying my hardest to save up as I need a deposit and the first month’s rent. But it’s the summer holidays so every penny is going to the kids, food shopping, and bills. I think there is a grant service out there that helps out with things like this. I’ll do some more digging online and see if there is anything.

When D pointed out that I have no friends to go to it was a stark reminder that for various reasons I don’t make friends very easily. I’ve always tended to be a loner. I’ve always had O who lives in Sheffield and he is the bestie. He’s going through some stuff right now so trying not to pester him so he can work on himself. I have dickhead (brother) but that’s, yeah, no, a whole ton of issues with me, him, and everything. So maybe I should look at groups. There is an app called Meet Up. I use it for charity to arrange workshops and tech sessions. I also know a club that is open to the public which has counselors running the group. There is one on Monday at 7pm so will try and get myself ready mentally for that. At least then I can meet people I don’t know in a safe space. I know one of the people and he’s offered to meet me early so I get used to the venue. Or I might skip that and see him during the day and offload then.

I must confess I had a nap halfway through this post and feel better about it. On a similar note, why do humans drool in their sleep? Woke up with a wet face not caused by the usual dog slobber. Unless they do it while I’m asleep on the sofa. Bastards! 😉

Nap time is essential for world domination. Remember that.