Today is a new day, a whole brand new fresh day, and one to move on with. I’m currently covered in scratches from Dobby as it was bath time and hair trimming. Much hair was lost. But alas I found it on my trousers, t-shirt, and underwear. Everywhere. Not that I mind but I’m still a bit awkward around D after yesterday and it takes two people to clean the dog and sort the hair out. Fortunately, it involves me sitting on the floor with a lead which is something that I can do without the sticks.
Hate talking about them now. I’m still getting grief because I’m not using two. I suppose I’ll fall over at some point when only using one for the message to get into my head. I know she means well and that’s what the doctor has ordered but being berated every time they visit doesn’t help. The house is full of crappy tension as it is and that pushed me over the edge yesterday and I self-harmed.
Not proud of what I did but I did admit it to my social worker. Poor guy. He’s new and got both barrels from me when I had to explain what’s up and what is going on at the moment. I explained that I’m safe and it was needed to de-escalate the way my mood was swinging. So now I get the reset the counter again but you know what, who cares, no damage was done to anyone, and I’m still here which I might not have been if I didn’t do it. The unhealthy coping strategy of a borderline.
The social worker is going to try and help me out with a few things. He managed to sort me a doctor’s appointment for next Friday. I was surprised, as the doctor’s office called me before the social worker. “Hi Dr x would like to see you next Friday.” she politely said, “Why does the doctor want to see me?” I asked. “No, he just wants to see you but hasn’t said why”. Confused as ever, which is pretty much always, my social worker then rang me to say he spoke to the doctor’s receptionist and asked for one. He said it’d do me good to speak to them to see if I can get some more referrals to speed up the housing process. I’m trying my hardest to save up as I need a deposit and the first month’s rent. But it’s the summer holidays so every penny is going to the kids, food shopping, and bills. I think there is a grant service out there that helps out with things like this. I’ll do some more digging online and see if there is anything.
When D pointed out that I have no friends to go to it was a stark reminder that for various reasons I don’t make friends very easily. I’ve always tended to be a loner. I’ve always had O who lives in Sheffield and he is the bestie. He’s going through some stuff right now so trying not to pester him so he can work on himself. I have dickhead (brother) but that’s, yeah, no, a whole ton of issues with me, him, and everything. So maybe I should look at groups. There is an app called Meet Up. I use it for charity to arrange workshops and tech sessions. I also know a club that is open to the public which has counselors running the group. There is one on Monday at 7pm so will try and get myself ready mentally for that. At least then I can meet people I don’t know in a safe space. I know one of the people and he’s offered to meet me early so I get used to the venue. Or I might skip that and see him during the day and offload then.
I must confess I had a nap halfway through this post and feel better about it. On a similar note, why do humans drool in their sleep? Woke up with a wet face not caused by the usual dog slobber. Unless they do it while I’m asleep on the sofa. Bastards! 😉
Nap time is essential for world domination. Remember that.
