Tag: worry

Expectations

Andy Young2 Comments

I’m having some major anxiety issues at the moment. I’m sure my leg shaking can be heard from miles around. It’s on hyperdrive mode at the moment, when it’s not shaking my soul is trying to escape through from my stomach. Soul. Stomach. The demon might be better tbh. I just need to try and take my mind off it for a few minutes to calm it down, I’ve got music on but not loud as the kids are home. Usually, my go-to is my headphones but if I put them on I’m scared the kids will stand behind me and when I turn around they’ll scream or do some scary shit and I’ll freak out. So headphones are a no-go at the moment.

I think the dogs know something is up. Well. Nina does anyway, she keeps coming over and nudging me. Usually, she just sits in the corner staring. Dobby has found himself a sock and is currently chewing it. I tried to play fetch but she wasn’t having non of it and sat down for a good long chew. What do you do if a dog swallows a sock? it’s a big sock. I’m overthinking it.

D came back at 3am from her holiday with S in Greece. Staring at them is so painful it burns my skin. The word lobster comes to mind. Just pure sunburn everywhere! I gave S some cream this morning that D left out for her. She’s not going to school today as it would be torture with her sunburn putting on the uniform. Hopefully, she’ll be fine to go tomorrow. B is still at home as his school has an extra week off. So I’ve been watching him play different games and amused him since I’ve come back, well, since D left for Greece BUT OMG best present ever, 3 counterfeit packets of Pokemon cards to go in my weird and bizarre collection of cards. Just been through them now. They are quite good to play with but they are so golden that it makes it hard to read the writing on the cards. Awesome present.

Today is the 8th anniversary of me and D getting married. Aww. It has actually flown past but it’s a nice reminder to see how long we’ve been together. I do love her and hope we have many more in the future! We agreed to celebrate it later in the month as she’s shattered (amongst other things) and won’t be home till late.

I feel a bit better. Well no. no I don’t. But I did for a few minutes while I was typing it up. Thank you for listening.

Sleep demons

Andy Young2 Comments

My eyes hurt. I’m sure this is down to a lack of sleep. Got the screen on the dimmest mode possible which is helping. I’m having another rough day. Its been relentless for what will be a week tomorrow. I don’t want to go to sleep. Not for some petulant reason but more if I push myself to exhaustion then when I do sleep it will be dreamless. I know I’m supposed to take PRN meds when this happens but I took them yesterday and really didn’t like what they did to me.

I’m finding it hard to keep this bad stuff bottled up. I’m trying my hardest to not unleash it upon the family so it doesn’t affect everyone. Not that I would do anything stupid but it would just worry them and I don’t want to do that at the moment. Things are fractured enough in the family, I fear any more additions would break the horses back.

Happier things,

Dobby the dog has found a new hobby. I discovered this whilst doing the dishes earlier this week. Although, I have noticed that randomly socks appear in the kitchen. I thought that it was someone just ditching socks so I can match them. But then I noticed the dog acting funny. It seems Dobby has developed this habit of picking up a sock and placing it randomly in the kitchen. He doesn’t chew it, nor does he play with it. He simply picks up a sock and put’s it on the floor and then runs off to fetch another one. It appears that he will only do this when I don’t look at him. It is unbelievably cute and probably stems from his sheepdog heritage. So far this week he has beaten his personal best of three socks placed while my back is turned. He annoying cute bugger that he is.

As it’s almost 2am, and D went to bed early, I’ve got both of the dogs with me downstairs while I type this. Probably best not to take them upstairs and sleep in the bed as it will wake D up and she’s not been feeling well lately. She’s having a bit of a hard time working things out so I try and just be helpful when I can and listen when she speaks. So. Yes, Dogs are sleeping on the sofa. One side each. It’s cute but the only problem is I now have nowhere to sleep down here. I’ll probably sleep in the middle and see what happens. Slowly stretching out to the point of poking them out with my feet. It’s nice that every day, little by little, they are more accepting of each other. It’s not like they growl or bite, or fight, but yeah. Who knew that an extra dog would bring some companionship for Nina and ultimately me as well. We do however still need a cat to make up the numbers in the house. Saying that Nina is in her sanctuary upstairs away from Dobby who chased her whenever he gets the chance.

That’ll do for the midnight thoughts.

Think I can manage another hour. Should be enough for a very deep sleep without my thoughts plaguing me before falling asleep which worries me the post.

Goodnight. Hope you all had/have an amazing weekend.