Short Story: about dreams

I’ve always been a dreamer. I love to lose myself in my dreams, to escape from the everyday world and into a world of my own creation.

In my dreams, I can be anything I want to be. I can fly, I can travel to faraway lands, I can meet amazing people. I can do anything my heart desires.

Dreams are a great way to escape from the stresses of everyday life. They can be a place where you can let go of your worries and just be yourself.

Sometimes, I use my dreams to escape from difficult situations in my waking life. If I’m going through a tough time, I can dream about a better future. I can dream about being happy and successful.

Dreams can also be a way to explore your subconscious mind. They can reveal your hidden desires and fears. By understanding your dreams, you can learn more about yourself and how to live a happier and more fulfilling life.

In my dreams

Today’s lesson is about my dreams. Specifically my dreams of traveling of where I would like to go. I won’t be able to go to any of these places (kids) nor manage walks in cityscapes and rural towns. We now make me a little bit sad if I’m being honest. So in no particular order, here are 10 places I would love to travel to and why.

USA – I genuinely want to see what all the hype is about. Americans are renowned for their passion for their country. With chants of “USA USA USA” and eating far more food than one needs. Also guns. So yes, I want to fly over, stop at a diner, drive along Route 66, and see the grand canyon. Alllllll the touristy stuff and then shoot some guns, have a beer and then blog about how amazing my trip was.

Venice – Always wanted to see how this place works, also it’s amazing-looking squares, have a coffee and just watch the world go by. Go on a gondola maybe!

Vatican City – Not that I’m overly religious but I would love to Rome the streets and take in all the beautiful murals and statues. mostly dating back over a thousand years. I just want to soak in the culture of it. Maybe see Pope sticking his head out of his room onto the balcony.

Rome – Somehow I’ve never been to Rome. The colllusium is the main attraction for me. I’d love to see how busy the towns and cafes are. Have a few coffees and ride off on a Vespa into the sunset.

Russia – I would love to walk around Moscow and see all the interesting sites that it has to offer. The history! Granted this one won’t happen anytime soon unless you hire a group of mercenaries to grant you passage wherever you go.

Antarctica – Bit of a stretch but the 6-month round trip always appealed to me, I love the cold and I have always thought how adventurous and interesting it would be to go there.

John o’groats, UK – Since I’ve been to lands end down south, the most southern point. I would love to drive up to the northernmost point as well. More of a joke. Landsend turned into a fairground and food stalls. Totally took the natural beauty away. I’ve been a few times, and each time more stuff is being added. I want to see if the one up north has all the tourist crap going for it as well.

Iceland – To explore the rocks and ice clubs they have there. It’s cold, it’s dark- what more could you want? oh, the scenery as well well.

European Road Trip – So I’ve been to most European countries at some point in my life and driven in a few but it would be awesome to do mini overnight stays in different countries whilst looping around in the car. Plus DAS AUTOBAN. Should be exciting.

South Korea – We watch so many K-pop shows on tv, mostly D’s fault that I would love to take her there for the sites, sounds, cafes, and culture, it would be an amazing experience for us both I think.

Digging Deeper #5

Do you love your current job? Why or why not?

Yes. Although it’s volunteering so not a paid job. But that said I love what I do and when I do it. I work with a company called the MDC, and we provide digital resources to those who cannot afford them. We work closely with the homeless by providing burner phones with credit for them to use, I train large groups of people on how to use digital devices, and I collect and refurbish laptops, tablets, and phones and get them ready to hand out. The team at the office deals with the handing out, I’m just officially the tech lead. So anything with a cable is me. I have an apprentice whom I train on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Either in person or remotely depending on several factors. Right now I can’t get to the office. Well. Can’t leave the house. But as soon as I am able the office will be the first place to go as I’m drowning in tech which needs dropping off. Also, there are a few conferences we have a free stand at, so I would love to be able to attend at least one (when it’s not busy).

I love my job because I can pick the hours I work, and I can work from home or in person, anything is always appreciated. I like that I can work on devices from home and pass over knowing that they will help Manchester’s poorest. I don’t do it for that reason alone. The tinkering with devices, the sourcing, donations- I love it all.

The only downside is that sometimes I need to leave the house when I really don’t want to but know I have to make a delivery. That’s the only bad point. Pay would be good too.

What is your ideal career?

What I’m doing. But on a larger scale where I can get paid for carrying out the work. It doesn’t have to be the charity sector, I’m quite happy working private & public sectors. I’d want to be my own boss of the business and the aim would be to become an all-in-one solution for the sourcing and provision of tech devices, along with 121 or group training.

I do have a website setup but I really need people to look at it and give feedback. The link is here [busy bee tech]

Black dog

The black dog was always there. It followed me everywhere I went, lurking in the shadows, waiting to pounce. I could never see it clearly, but I knew it was there. It was the depression.

It started slowly. At first, I just felt a little bit down. I didn’t want to go out, and I didn’t enjoy the things I used to. But then, it got worse. I started to have trouble sleeping, thinking, and existing, and I couldn’t concentrate on anything. I felt worthless and hopeless.

I tried to fight it, but the black dog was too strong. It knocked me down, and I couldn’t get back up. I stopped going to work, and I stopped seeing my friends. I just stayed in all day, feeling sorry for myself.

I was trapped in my house. I had a chronic illness that made it difficult for me to move around, and I had a social anxiety disorder that made it difficult for me to interact with people. I was also experiencing a functional neurological event that made it impossible for me to leave my house.

I felt like I was all alone. I didn’t know how to get better. I thought about self-harm as the only answer right now. A way to release the pain and feel something else. Even just of a second.

One day, I was lying on the sofa, feeling sorry for myself, when I heard a voice.

“You’re not alone,” the voice said.

I looked up, and I saw a figure standing in the doorway. It was a woman, and she was wearing a white dress.

“Who are you?” I asked.

“I’m the light,” she said. “I’m here to help you see through the darkness.”

The woman came over to me and stood next to the edge of my sofa. She took my hand, and she looked into my eyes.

“You’re not worthless,” she said. “You’re not hopeless. You’re a valuable person, and you deserve to be happy.”

The woman’s words touched me deeply. I started to cry.

“Thank you,” I said. “I needed to hear that.”

The woman smiled. “You’re welcome,” she said. “Now, it’s time for you to see the light.”

The woman moved closer, and she held out her hand. I took her hand, and she led me out of the lounge. We walked through the house, and we stepped outside.

The sun was shining, and the birds were singing. I took a deep breath, and I felt the warmth of the sun on my face.

“I can see the light,” I said.

The woman smiled. “I knew you could,” she said. “Now, go and live your life.”

The woman turned and walked away, and I watched her go. I knew that I would never forget her. She had helped me to see the light, and she had given me hope.

I turned and walked back into my house. I was still feeling a little bit down, but I knew that I was going to be okay. I had seen the light, and I knew that there was hope for me.

The black dog was always there. It followed me everywhere I went, lurking in the shadows, waiting to pounce. I could never see it clearly, but I knew it was there. It was the depression.It started slowly. At first, I just felt a little bit down. I didn’t want to go out with my friends, and I didn’t enjoy the things I used to. But then, it got worse. I started to have trouble sleeping, and I couldn’t concentrate on anything. I felt worthless and hopeless.I tried to fight it, but the black dog was too strong. It knocked me down, and I couldn’t get back up. I stopped going to work, and I stopped seeing my friends. I just stayed in bed all day, feeling sorry for myself.I was trapped in my house. I had a chronic illness that made it difficult for me to move around, and I had a social anxiety disorder that made it difficult for me to interact with people. I was also experiencing a functional neurological event that made it impossible for me to leave my house.I felt like I was all alone. I didn’t know how to get better. I thought about self-harm as the only answer right now.One day, I was lying in bed, feeling sorry for myself, when I heard a voice.”You’re not alone,” the voice said.I looked up, and I saw a figure standing in the doorway. It was a woman, and she was wearing a white dress.”Who are you?” I asked.”I’m the light,” she said. “I’m here to help you see through the darkness.”The woman came over to me and sat down on the edge of my bed. She took my hand, and she looked into my eyes.”You’re not worthless,” she said. “You’re not hopeless. You’re a valuable person, and you deserve to be happy.”The woman’s words touched me deeply. I started to cry.”Thank you,” I said. “I needed to hear that.”The woman smiled. “You’re welcome,” she said. “Now, it’s time for you to see the light.”The woman stood up, and she held out her hand. I took her hand, and she led me out of the bedroom. We walked through the house, and we stepped outside.The sun was shining, and the birds were singing. I took a deep breath, and I felt the warmth of the sun on my face.”I can see the light,” I said.The woman smiled. “I knew you could,” she said. “Now, go and live your life.”The woman turned and walked away, and I watched her go. I knew that I would never forget her. She had helped me to see the light, and she had given me hope.I turned and walked back into my house. I was still feeling a little bit down, but I knew that I was going to be okay. I had seen the light, and I knew that there was hope for me.

Then I woke up. The feeling of depression slowly started to spread until it was all I could think about. I tried to focus on the dream, I tried really hard but the pain and constant reminder of what my life is blocked the light from shining through. It was a nightmare. Tormenting me that things could get better. The person on the other end of the phone yesterday said that self-harm serves a purpose and if it ultimately stops me from taking the final action then it’s a means to an end. Except I know its not. I want to, so badly, but I don’t think I could stop if I did. Maybe hurting my arm with something that no one can see would help. I’m scared of the reaction. It’s not like anyone sees me naked. Not that they would ever want to anyway.

Rambling

I will be 40 in a few months and it feels like I should be thinking about the future. About what I want out of life, what I want to do with life, and how to exist. Should I retrain into a new profession, or should I stop the charity work for paid work? What lessons can I teach my son, what experiences have they had? They are growing up now too. B is going to be 12 and R is 13! The things they like are so different now and I think I miss them being small. I never thought that, I always wished they would be teenagers and sleep all the time but now I miss them. What is life like, post-kids? we want to buy a house but struggling with the deposit. The price here in Manchester is crazy so we are looking at Scotland near Saltcoats. Cheaper and bigger houses just be a shame to move the kids while they are in school still.

Trying to figure out if this is a midlife crisis where I miss everything, want to change and try new things and explore the world more. I was very lucky when I was young as my parents took us on trips around the world, going to different places. I thought I would have found my place in the world by now.

D is taking the kids on holiday. B first to Germany for a few days and then probably Spain with S. I will be at home for both trips, staying with the dogs, and because I trigger B. Dont know what to say about that really.

Rambling blog post today

  • What are your values? What is important to you? What do you want to achieve in life?
  • What are your strengths and weaknesses? What are you good at? What do you enjoy doing?
  • What are your dreams and goals? What do you want to accomplish in the next 5, 10, or 20 years?