Tag: regret

1. Current relationship status?

Andy Young2 Comments

I think the technical word for it is separate. Then once the paperwork comes through and it’s all official with the courts then it’s Divorce. Unless someone contests it when the divorce paperwork comes through. I wouldn’t do something like that, would I? Not like someone went off and had an affair before the paperwork or even a notice of being divorced.

So for that to make any sense I’ll give you an exciting look at my marriage and personal life:
Met in 2007
Together in 2010
Sort of, sort of not 2011
Together in 2012
Married in 2015
Separated in 2023

The longest relationship I have ever had actually. D had been married before, she had an affair with me and I cheated on what would be R’s mum with D. 2011 is and was the most fucked up year of my life, the lies I made, the things I did and the people saw. Madness. There was always one constant and that was D. She was pure in my mind, a candle flame that can’t be blown out because that would make the world a darker place. Day two of divorce she blew her candle out.

I should have been there more. I should have given her what she needed.

No one wins in a breakup. Well, maybe those with friends they keep in reserve.

So single. I’ve sworn off women for now. For a long while. I heard once was one year of a relationship is equal to one month of getting over. So we’ll go for 2012, 11 months to get over the relationship. That’s fair. About the same as the hospital said my recovery would be. I still don’t understand the recovery period. Does that mean that I am miraculously going to be able to walk without searing back pain? Oh, I was quite actually impressed. I went to the garage next door which has a shop built in, I was struggling with the basket, walking about. My back was in complete agony. I got to the till and I swear I was going to ask them for a chair. Thankfully the guy took my shopping bagged it for me and put the basket back. It’s things like that that help. I managed to get back to the motel, room and then I faceplanted on the bed for ten minutes.

I’ll have to have a look online and see if there are some exercises that I can do with my back or if it’s just keep walking till it improves. I do walk every day now. Maybe a gym with a running machine. I can hold onto the sides if I need to and then start at level one again and try. I’ll ask my social worker if they have any offers on gyms. Or a discount as I’ll just be using one machine.
Oh yeah talking about relationships. Yup, this was the longest one. Since I’m 40 my options are pretty limited unless I make it big with Bitcoin, lottery or good looks & hypnotism. Of which I have none. So I’ll exist until Allah/God/Chukulu puts someone in my path.

Who am I kidding? A photocopy of D would be awesome. She was perfect and I lost her. Stupid body.
God. I could do with a bottle of wine or two. Never thought in my life I would ever be craving wine. Most normal men crave beer, buy it, drink it, sleep. I wish it was simple. But wine is the weapon of choice. Or rum. Rum, I can drink from the bottle. Although is nicer with ice and a snifter of coke. Snfiter. Coke. They probably belong in a sentence somewhere but not here, I am not a snifter of coke. Never have, never will. Pharmaceuticals is a different game. That is one that I abuse with hilarious consequences. And it’s all legal as well:

Risperidone, twice a day.
Sertraline, two in the morning.
Promazine, four times a day.
Procyclidine, twice a day.
Propranolol, three times a day.
Cyclizine, three times a day,
Pro Banthine, four times a day,
Codeine, up to four times a day as needed,
Pregabalin, three times a day
Diazepam 5mg, once a day
Diazepam 2mg, three times a day
So 31 tablets. In a day. #FML

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An embarrasing story

Andy Young3 Comments

Two stories stick out that I can remember, well, have been embarrassing enough to stick with me all these years.


The first was when we, the family, were in Turkey. We went on this super long bus tour to Ephesus. We stopped at a hotel along the way and they set out the tables in one long line. We all went to dinner after which me and slag wanted to explore the complex. I had to grab something from the room so I got the key from my mum. Ran down and grabbed whatever it was that I needed at the time. I ran back up to the tables and found my mum. I said thank you, kissed her on the cheek, hug and then ran off again. Turns out. Wasn’t my mum. Just someone with the same hairstyle. The whole table erupted with laughter. I was all of 10 years old. That was embarrassing.


The only other one, and I’ve been blessed not to have more, is when my parents went to St Lucia for work. Me and my brother were left behind and a family friend/worker Bernie was staying in the house to mind the water factory. So these were the days I had motorbikes. I got hungry and fancied treating myself so I went to the KFC in Colwyn Bay. Bernie went as well but didn’t realise. We were in the queue and talking. He went to order and ordered two big family meal bucket things, “Oh no Bernie it’s okay I want to order something else for myself, thank you though!”, Bernie stared at me “These are all for me”, “Oh, Sorry”, See Bernie was fat, not normal fat. Fat as in his stomach skin was splitting, bigger than a wrestler, two seats on a plane, break your scales fat. I was embarrassed to order my fillet burger meal ha.


Bernie was awesome. He died just before my dad did.


I miss them.

Bernies tummy

Short Story: About desire

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I first saw her at the grocery store. She was beautiful, with long dark hair and piercing blue eyes. She was wearing a wedding ring, but that didn’t stop me from being drawn to her.

I started to see her around town more and more. We would always make eye contact, and I could tell that she was attracted to me too. But she was married, and I knew that I shouldn’t do anything.

One day, I saw her walking her dog in the park. I decided to go up to her and talk to her. We talked for a while, and I found out that her name was Sarah. She told me that she was married, but that her husband was always working and they didn’t have much of a relationship.

I felt a pang of guilt, but I couldn’t help but be drawn to her. We started spending more time together, and I soon realized that I was in love with her.

I knew that it was wrong, but I couldn’t help myself. I wanted her. I wanted her more than anything in the world.

One night, we kissed. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. I knew that I had to have her.

We started an affair, and it was everything I had ever dreamed of. She was everything I had ever wanted in a woman.

But I knew that it couldn’t last. She was married, and I didn’t want to ruin her life.

So I ended the affair. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I knew it was the right thing to do.

I still think about her sometimes. I wonder what could have been if she wasn’t married. But I know that it’s better this way.

Short Story: About opportunities

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I was sitting in my usual spot at the coffee shop, working on my laptop. I was so engrossed in my work that I didn’t notice the woman who sat down at the table next to me.

She was beautiful, with long dark hair and piercing blue eyes. She ordered a coffee and started reading a book.

I couldn’t help but stare at her. She was so graceful and elegant, and I felt a strange connection to her.

After a while, she looked up and caught me staring. I blushed and looked away.

A few minutes later, she got up and left. I watched her go, and I felt a pang of regret. I should have said something to her.

I sat there for a long time, thinking about what could have been. I had missed an opportunity, and I knew that I would regret it for a long time.

Crappy poem #4

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Karma

What goes around comes around,
So be kind to everyone you meet.
For if you’re mean, it will return,
And you’ll be the one who’s beaten.

So treat others how you want to be treated,
And you’ll live a life that’s free from regret.
For karma is a powerful force,
And it will always get its due.

QOTD

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Daily writing prompt
Describe something you learned in high school.
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That no one pays attention to you if you stay out of the way.

Well not out of the way, but under the radar. See, I went from popular kid in primary school to popular kid till I was like 13, then the drinking started and then I went to loner. Well. One or two friends and some acquaintances. By being under the radar it allowed me to leave school whenever I wanted. In retrospect I would have done things so differently. I guess that is probably true for everyone. I learned that teachers can hold grudges against you. I learned that because my brother (Dickhead) was bad at school that the teachers automatically assumed I would be and gave me poor grades.

I also learned, looking back, that when the teacher was in tears telling me off it was probably because she was having a bad day or something in her personal life went wrong. I didn’t know that at the time. Its a memory that has stuck with me. Especially now with D training to become a teacher. I can see the level of stress involved in planning and running a lesson. I wish I just didn’t give the teacher a hard time. It was Welsh class.

I learned that you could bypass the security software on the computers so you could access anything you wanted online. This was back in the 90s.

How about you guys?