Tag: grief

QOTD – Strikes BACK!

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Daily writing prompt
What brings a tear of joy to your eye?
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I am well emotional. Especially when it has something to do with the following:

  • Family – especially the kids when they smile, laugh, have an engaging conversation.
  • Mile stones – Borthdays, Christmases and special events where we hug each other and are generally having a moment.
  • Church – The unity of people brings a tear to my eye when they talk about jesus and have fierce retoric. I’m not religious I just got when the ex-wife was making me.
  • Speeches – Terrible for that but oddly enough I can carry out speeches at funerals with no real issues.
  • Bag pipes – Not because of the pain caused to my ear drum but being half scottish means I have a special place in my heart for them.

Someone might think I have emotional personality disorder..

Short Story: about a song

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I first heard the song “Like a Stone” by Audioslave when I was going through a really tough time in my life. I was grieving the loss of a loved one, and I was feeling lost and alone.

The song’s lyrics really resonated with me. They spoke to the pain and confusion of loss, and they gave me a sense of comfort and understanding.

The song’s slow, deliberate tempo and haunting melody also helped me to connect with my emotions. I found myself listening to the song over and over again, and each time I would feel a little bit better.

Short Story: About loss

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I still remember the day my grandmother died. I was 12 years old, and I was at school when I got the news. I felt like my whole world had been turned upside down.

My grandmother was the most important person in my life. She was always there for me, no matter what. She was my best friend, my confidante, and my biggest supporter.

I couldn’t imagine my life without her. I felt so lost and alone.

The days and weeks that followed were a blur. I went through the motions, but I wasn’t really there. I was just numb.

I didn’t want to talk to anyone about how I was feeling. I didn’t want to cry. I just wanted to pretend that everything was okay.

But it wasn’t okay. I was grieving, and I needed to allow myself to feel my emotions.

So I started to talk to my friends and family about my grandmother. I cried a lot, but it helped me to start to heal.

It’s been a few years since my grandmother died, and I still miss her every day. But I’m learning to live with my grief. I’m learning to find joy in the simple things in life.

I know that my grandmother would want me to be happy. And that’s what I’m trying to do.

Short Story: About opportunities

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I was sitting in my usual spot at the coffee shop, working on my laptop. I was so engrossed in my work that I didn’t notice the woman who sat down at the table next to me.

She was beautiful, with long dark hair and piercing blue eyes. She ordered a coffee and started reading a book.

I couldn’t help but stare at her. She was so graceful and elegant, and I felt a strange connection to her.

After a while, she looked up and caught me staring. I blushed and looked away.

A few minutes later, she got up and left. I watched her go, and I felt a pang of regret. I should have said something to her.

I sat there for a long time, thinking about what could have been. I had missed an opportunity, and I knew that I would regret it for a long time.

Digging Deeper #6

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Is there a grudge, a pain that you are holding on to?
…Why are you holding on to it?
…Is it time to let it go?

Grudges and pain. hmm. They do go together very well. I don’t know if anyone has any against me, but if they did I would want to meet and talk about it. No fighting but just a chance to explain anything I made have done.

My biggest pain is my brother. I feel so sorry for him and the trap that alcohol has laid itself out for him. He gets in touch now and again. Sometimes money, sometimes loneliness, or some form of connection we still have. It all fell apart when Mum died. Dickhead took all the drugs he could find and deal with it that way. As mentioned prior I knew it was going to happen so my reaction was just to live life as normal. I was squatting in a house whilst I and D took a break. The council found me a flat, and I raided the local stores for bits of it. Mum would have loved it, it was on a high rise with a balcony. Things were chaotic then. I had to drive to Wales pretty much every day to help with Dad or dickhead thinking the neighbors were attacking,

So yeah we went our separate ways really. He stayed with Dad occasionally before leaving the country, and dad, and disappeared. I then had to step up my efforts to go. It was getting too much for me to handle. He was diagnosed with Dementia. That really didn’t help. I got the council involved and they laid on some carers for him. 3 times a day, every day at first. But I still came, took him to the local shopping area, and drank coffee.

The pain I hold is. Where was he? why couldn’t he help me? he’s missing dad being a dad before dementia took its hold. I had to work and travel 3hrs a day, sort all the bills, paperwork, cleaning, careers, doctors, and hospital visits whilst he just “took off””. I don’t hate that I had to do those things. I just hated doing it alone and not as a family.

The next grudge is a weird one. Not sure if the world is ready for that one yet.

Black dog is chasing me down

Andy Young3 Comments

It’s hard. You know it’s hard but I’m not trying to undermine your thoughts. It should be simple and in the minds of most people who have never had an addiction, it is a simple thing. I’m craving vast amounts of alcohol again. I find myself on different websites adding things to the basket but never actually going through with it. Just one last drink I tell myself, pure and utter lies, if I let myself have one then I will want three after that. I guess I just needed a moan. I stopped myself so I do have control over it. Smoking for over 30 years and somehow have switched 100% over to vaping. The addiction doesn’t come close to how hard it was to do that.

I know it’s not a great switch from cig to pipe but it was and is the start of starting a new chapter, Where I am well enough to take the kids out, that the panic attacks will down. Wel. I keep telling myself that, eventually, there will be a day with no reliance on anything. I’ll make a list and do a poll on there to see which direction to which to try first,

A very young me, my Uncle Henk, Oma, and Oma (dutch grandparents) before a fishing session in the lape and canal behind Henks; house. This photo brings back memories especially now that they are both long dead. We would have genuine calls saying hello, hope you are well, and things, It was always brief as Oma doesn’t know any English.

Anyways be awesome to each other.